Part 38- My 2008 Magnificent Colossal Indy 500 Photo Blog Thing: Crash And Burn And Terminated?

The quest for speed today at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway took an ugly right turn directly into the unforgiving concrete barriers.

Yes.

The IMS cement always beckons, and, unfortunately, several drivers were lured by the Siren's seductive song, and shards of formerly shiny and fast Indy racing machines littered the world's greatest race course.

EJ Viso was the first victim.


EJ made his wrong mistake in Turn Three, backing his machine into the wall.

Thankfully, I can report that EJ is all better now physically, and a quick stroll through the garages near the end of practice revealed that the HVM Racing Team is coming along nicely with repairs and should be running again soon.

Will Power also made an egregious error today at IMS, and it happened right in front of me. Power had been running his fastest laps of the month, 223 mph, when all hell broke loose.


I was sitting in the bleachers between Turns One and Two, minding my own damned business, soaking up some of that rare Hoosier sunshine, and fitfully dozing to the drone of screaming real Indy racing cars.

Suddenly, I noticed a quick drop in revs from one on-track open wheeled racer. Then, I heard a sound reminiscent of two railroad cars coupling together, which is never a good sound to hear at Indy, and I looked up just in time to see Power slam the fence hard with bits and pieces flying in all directions!

Luckily, Power was unhurt.

My final walk-about in the garage area this evening found the Jammy Billson/Kebmoe KelpOven crew hard at work repairing their shattered rig and making great progress.

You remember a long time ago when I said I thought Ryan Briscoe should give some serious thought to joining a labor union?


Of course you do! Stuff I say is memorable.

Maybe.

Anyhoo...today, Ryan Briscoe gave his bosses Roger Penske, Tim Cindric, and Rick Mears, all the ammo they needed to commence termination proceedings, and there ain't a damn thing Briscoe can do about it if he doesn't have the protection of a union.

And, Ryan will never get one of these rare and coveted Teamster Penske Safe Driver Pledge Pin Safety Award Devices to pin on his lapel.


Ryan garbaged another Penske Company Motor Vehicle (Dallara/Honda/Firestone).

By my count, that makes three of them since the season started, violating the following Basic Standards of Conduct which may or may not be part of the Teamster Penske Racing Employee Handbook for non-union employees:

Quote:

The following is not an all-inclusive list, but represents work rule violations that could result in disciplinary action up to and including suspension and/or discharge. Nothing contained herein should be construed as a limitation on the Company's right to discharge any employee without cause or notice. 1. Careless performance of assigned work or poor quality work. 2. Failing to observe and comply with approved safety and health rules and proceedures as set forth in the Teamster Penske Racing Employee Handbook. 3. Failing to observe and comply with traffic and parking regulations on Company premises and/or while operation Company vehicles (Dallara/Honda/Firestone) or equipment. 4. Negligent driving or operation of a vehicle (Dallara/Honda/Firestone) or equipment while on Company business which could involve the Company in a liability action. 5. Involving the Company in any action which damages the Company's reputation or public goodwill. 6. Careless, negligent, or deliberate damage to, or defacing of, property belonging to the Company (Dallara/Honda/Firestone), a customer, or another Company employee. 7. Failure or refusal to perform assigned work or to comply with proper instructions given by a supervisor or others in a position of authority.

So, therefore, you can see that Ryan Briscoe is screwed unless he took my sage and common sense advice.

Briscoe better have his union steward's cell phone number on speed dial too.

I bet Gil DeFerran is the union steward.

...or Paul Tracy. He's not doing much right now, and he loves to stir the pot.

That's what I think.

Part 37- My 2008 Magnificent Colossal Indy 500 Photo Blog Thing: Anger And Stupidity At Indy...Maybe

This is a Newman/Haas/Lanigan Racing toolbox I saw on their pit wall.


Barely discernible on the lid it says Mindycar.com.
Clearly visible is the ChampCar sticker.

Somebody is still angry.

This is an improper civilian vehicle I saw parked in the infield.


Four door Ford Escorts are not now, nor will they ever be, race cars...

...and I don't care how many decals, florescent yellow wiper arms, fog lights, '72 Eagle rear wings, or how much yellow pin-striping you put on them!

Part 36- My 2008 Magnificent Colossal Indy 500 Photo Blog Thing: Photos Make It a Photo Blog...

Pictures for your enjoyment with limited commercial interruption.

Buddy Rice




Alex Lloyd




Ryan Briscoe



Buddy Lazier

Oriol Servia

Danica

Townsend Bell

Part 35- My 2008 Magnificent Colossal Indy 500 Photo Blog Thing: Mutoh Almost Uh-Oh

I thought Hideki Mutoh was going to crash today. I saw him wiggle in Turn One a couple of times. He was either very loose, or the wind was getting to him, or both.

Maybe.

I bet he scared himself a little and decided to rethink things, because his crack Andretti/Green Racing team had him in the pits and the garage for the better part of the day so they could figure out why the car was handling like a tub of excrement.

AGR seems to have sorted things out, because Hideki was back track side in the late afternoon, and everything was looking good to him...so good, in fact, that it made Hideki feel like singing!



A chick like that would make me sing too!

Pretty much.

Part 34- My 2008 Magnificent Colossal Indy 500 Photo Blog Thing: Ed And Margo...

Today was a cold and blustery, but dry day at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. The early practice sessions were very busy with many fast and real and shiny Indy racing units on track at the same time.

One particular practice episode made me stand up and go, "WHOA!"

This episode involved Ed Carpantier and Margo Andretti, whose racers I show to you here now in image form.



Margo and Ed darn near took each other out entering Turn One side-by-side.

Neither seemed to want to lift or give up the corner, and I thought I was going to see a heinous racing incident right in front of me.

Luckily, I did not witness the collision and subsequent destruction of these two machines, because both drivers managed to negotiate the turn successfully due to their great skills.

Guys...it's just practice. Save your anger and rage and aggression for race day.

Margo's car is all dolled up like a movie poster to celebrate the release of Indiana Choner and the Glass Head, or something like that.

I will not go to the theater to see this movie. I bet it is bad cinema, and life is too short for bad cinema.

Margo's fire suit is funky, with sewn in pistol holsters and whips, and it is mostly a brownish color reminiscent of solid waste products.

I don't think real Indy racing fire suits should resemble heavily armed wild west costumes, nor should they be poop brown.

Maybe it's just me, but I think Margo probably agrees with me. Whenever I see him in that getup, he has a sheepish and embarrassed look on his face...kinda like that kid in A Christmas Story who had to wear his aunt's home made pink bunny rabbit pajamas.


Margo needs to have a chat with his boss/dad and get a suitable driving uniform.

I mean, if he's going to be an Indy hot shoe and future legend, he can't be wearing goofy looking protective gear.

Tony Bettenhausen didn't.

Rumbedrome Photo

Troy Ruttman didn't.


Neither should Margo Andretti.

That's what I think.

Part 33-My 2008 Magnificent Colossal Indy 500 Photo Blog Thing: V-8s, Snakes, and Mods

This is a Honda Indy V-8 racing engine.


If you look closely, you will see that it also is infested with snakes.

You know how I feel about snakes...

Even though I am a fan of American iron like small-block Chevies, big-block Chevies, Hemis, 351 Clevelands and Windsors, 440 six-packs, flat-head Fords, 409s, 455 Oldsmobiles, and slant sixes, the above Japanese mill is still cool and I wouldn't kick it out of my garage.

I bet I could drop it in between the frame rails of my cancerous '68 Malibu and have a real sleeper cell, or something.

Yes. It would be a far-out, real-world, hand-fabricated, non-factory, custom modification to do such a thing, and I would blow the doors off all the other imports equipped with phart pipes, whale tails, and neon windshield washer squirter thingies.

Maybe.

Part 32-My 2008 Magnificent Colossal Indy 500 Photo Blog Thing: Oral Servia Is Outsourced And Other Ramblings

This is Oral Servia's car coming out of tech.




If you look closely, you will see a couple of interesting things.

1. In the background, you can see Jack Lazier working hard and pounding the pavement looking for work.

2. Oral Servia's crew members giving me the evil eye and looking mad because they think I'm a spy and they want to pound me into the pavement! Maybe.

Anyhoo...Servia is a former winning ChampCar hotshoe and road course demon who transitioned to real Indy racing because his bosses, Jammy Billson and Kebmoe KelpOven decided to...

Quote:

...expand our longstanding relationship with open wheeled racing by outsourcing all aspects of our ChampCar racing enterprises to the IndyCar Series.

The above quote is probably what Oral Servia's pink slip letter said which was given to him by his bosses on the day it was announced he was fired from ChampCar.

Sorta.

Servia probably felt angry and betrayed and hurt with all this coming down on him so suddenly.

I know how he feels, but at least he still has a job!

Part 31-My 2008 Magnificent Colossal Indy 500 Photo Blog Thing: Dave Hamilton Of Visions Racing

Here we see the Visions Racing mount which will be piloted by the heroic Dave Hamilton.




Dave is heroic because he suffered awful injuries to his feet and legs in a horrendous racing incident a few years ago. To this day, he walks with a bad limp which I expect is still painful to him.

In spite of all this, Dave knows what Indy means and he climbs into fast and shiny Indy cars such as this because that's what he does and loves.

Dave has paid more than his fair share of dues, and has every right to speak his mind if he feels some small details of real Indy racing are Effed up.

Dave doesn't need any Kleenex either.

That's what I think.

Part 30- My 2008 Magnificent Colossal Indy 500 Photo Blog Thing: AJ Foyt And ABC Supply

This is the AJ Foyt ABC Supply machine which will be driven by Jeff Simmeons.


Simmeons is what is known as a second week driver, which means he really didn't have a job until just recently when AJ decided Jeff had paid the correct amount.

Jeff won't be monkeying around, though, and I expect him to get up to speed quickly.

So does AJ.

In fact, if Jeff doesn't get up to speed quickly, AJ won't monkey around either. Four-time Indy winning legends aren't known for monkeying around.

No.

AJ will come upside Jeff Simmeon's head with a blunt instrument if Jeff doesn't perform satisfactorily.

I'll tell you one thing which has performed satisfactorily for me...and that is ABC Supply.

See...I recently had my palatial estate re-roofed last year with materials purchased from ABC Supply, and with all the rain we've been having, I'm happy to report that I have no drips.........unless you count the drip who is doing this blog type thing!

The following is evidence I found that the lads at Foyt/ABC Racing have a sense of humor.

Part 29- My 2008 Magnificent Colossal Indy 500 Photo Blog Thing: Rain And Spies

I went to the track today and watched tow trucks and jet powered trailers burn disturbing amounts of fossil fuels in an attempt to dry the racing surface.

Every time they seemed to get the track dry, it started misting and raining.

Angry and disgruntled, I went home, later to learn the track stayed dry long enough for 15 minutes of hot laps before it rained again.

Oh well. At least my lawn is green and my garden got watered. Again.

Before I went home I was able to get a few shots.

This is a Target/Chip Ganassi racing unit of pole sitter Scott Dixon going through tech inspection.


And this is me inspecting the top secret right sidepod air inlet covering device on the Target car.


Chip is sneaky. He has painted the plate black so it is harder to see, but I could tell that the inlet is almost completely covered.

There's not much that gets passed me because I pay attention to details and stuff.

I told you I was a spy. Maybe now you'll believe me when I tell you something next time.