I had to take Number Two Son to high school today because his morning vocational classes were cancelled due to winter weather.
He is a cool kid.
He is handsome and smart and athletic and popular with the ladies.
In other words, he is nothing like me.
I don’t know where he gets it.
I need to have a talk with my wife.
Maybe.
Anyhoo…yesterday, apparently, his vocational school was put on “lock-down” because a business across the street was armed-robbed.
I said, “Cool! How did that go? Were you waiting for a disgruntled, short-dicked psychopath to hose down the school with an evil AR15?”
Number Two Son said, “It was funny. Earlier in the day we had a lock-down practice, and then later in the day we had a lock-down for real.”
He went on: “They had us shut off all the lights and computer monitors, lock the doors, and hide under our desks.”
I said sarcastically, “Oh really? Wait for the bullet like a helpless lamb and do nothing? How’s about bum-rush the motherfucker and stab him in the neck with a pencil? Or throw computer monitors at him? Anything but sit there and wait to die like an asshole…”
Number Two Son: “Yeah…Coach…(swim team coach and West Point/Army veteran, deer hunter, gun freak)…said we should assault through the ambush!”
I remarked, “Yep. Coach is exactly right…and he would know. Gang tackle the bastard and fuck him up something proper.”
At about that time, we arrived at his school, said our good-byes, and parted company.
It is this kind of intimate father/son moment that really brings a tear to the eye.
Touching, isn’t it?
I've had similar chats with my girls. They won't lay down...
ReplyDeleteYep. I'm thee same as Craig. Had the talk with the girls. Use anything for a weapon. Do anything to disrupt his focus. I have taught them where to stab for the best/fastest results.
ReplyDeleteBut whatever happens not to be a stationary target
We need more teachers like the Coach.
ReplyDeleteChina
III
Zoomie,
ReplyDeleteYou sound like a WONDERFUL father. And I'm sure Son Number Two is yours--some recessive gene or another that belongs to you.
That intimate father/son chat, indeed, brought a tear to my eye...but, please forgive the interspersed laughter. You do have a unique way of telling a story.
Holly
III
You're a good man, Charlie Brown.:)
ReplyDeleteI can see the headline now. " underprivileged, misunderstood young man forced into violence by video games and drugs, brings gun to school, stabbed to death by overly aggressive prepper/patriot/gardener/marksman kid with number 2 pencil. at behest of rabble rousing father, gardens to be banned."
ReplyDeletecomputer monitors are expensive . be a shame if the school couldn't afford to replace the monitors that may get all fucked up in the tussle . probably best to just lay there and leave the school's property alone
ReplyDeleteYes. Fighting back and defending one's self would be barbaric and uncivilized.
DeleteZoomie Merry Christmas you Rightwing rabble rousing guntoting purveyor of art against his Majestys Gubermint! Happy New Year too. Shit Bird!
ReplyDeleteChina
III
Damn. Why I gotta be a shit-bird?
DeleteBack atcha, broheedron.
See you at the apocalypse...
:D
Merry Christmas Zoomie, to you and yours
ReplyDeleteBack atcha, brocephus.
DeleteSee you at the apocalypse...