Some Frightening "Art" I've Been Working On...

Feel free to use any of these crappy images on your websites or where ever if you want.

And if you feel like it, give me a little credit...

Yes.  I'm giving you license to steal my shit with no consequences.

I'm socialist like that, though.

Hells bells.  I'll even customize this shit if you want.

Give me some suggestions.

Click on the images for the full, dramatic, eye-bleeding effect!

OK...now I'm done.

Maybe.

  

This'n' is for my brothers in the Lone Star state.

Aww jeez...what am I to you people? A fucking performing monkey?

It is my sincere hope that armor-piercing 30.06 is up to your high standards and meets with your ultimate approval.

:D

By request...

410s may have looked better as they are thinner, but they are not near as threatening or capable of tearing traitorous flesh asunder. Besides...dude wanted 12 gauge, so 12 gauge is what he gets!

Official List Of Words Feds Monitor On Social Networking Sites

Terrorism Al Qaeda Terror Attack Iraq Afghanistan Iran Pakistan Agro Environmental terrorist Eco terrorism Conventional weapon Target Weapons grade Dirty bomb Enriched Nuclear Chemical weapon Biological weapon Ammonium nitrate Improvised explosive device IED (Improvised Explosive Device) Abu Sayyaf Hamas FARC (Armed Revolutionary Forces Colombia) IRA (Irish Republican Army) ETA (Euskadi ta Askatasuna) Basque Separatists Hezbollah Tamil Tigers PLF (Palestine Liberation Front) PLO (Palestine Liberation Organization Car bomb Jihad Taliban Weapons cache Suicide bomber Suicide attack Suspicious substance AQAP (AL Qaeda Arabian Peninsula) AQIM (Al Qaeda in the Islamic Maghreb) TTP (Tehrik-i-Taliban Pakistan) Yemen Pirates Extremism Somalia Nigeria Radicals Al-Shabaab Home grown Plot Nationalist Recruitment Fundamentalism Islamist Emergency Hurricane Tornado Twister Tsunami Earthquake Tremor Flood Storm Crest Temblor Extreme weather Forest fire Brush fire Ice Stranded/Stuck Help Hail Wildfire Tsunami Warning Center Magnitude Avalanche Typhoon Shelter-in-place Disaster Snow Blizzard Sleet Mud slide or Mudslide Erosion Power outage Brown out Warning Watch Lightening Aid Relief Closure Interstate Burst Emergency Broadcast System Cyber security Botnet DDOS (dedicated denial of service) Denial of service Malware Virus Trojan Keylogger Cyber Command 2600 Spammer Phishing Rootkit Phreaking Cain and abel Brute forcing Mysql injection Cyber attack Cyber terror Hacker China Conficker Worm Scammers Social media

EAT ME!

Son-of-a-bitch...

Psyche!

I bet y'all thought I was gonna post another hateful rant about wanting to filet the flesh off a fool's arm or something.

Nope.

Not today...

This popped up in my front yard.

Ain't it purty-full?

  
Robbins have been seen in the area.

The maple trees are full of buds.

Spring has sprung in the Hoosier state!

I hoisted the Gadsden and Navy Jack flags.

My wife calls them my "angry" flags.

Yep.

Talked to a couple of my men-folk neighbors and discussed a little sedition.

Found out the new guy across the street is a gun-nutter.

Building tribe.

Cool.

It's gonna be a great summer. 

Sorry.  Sometimes I can't help myself.
I carried this weathered pig-sticker in Gulf War 1.
I used it to open care packages of Oreos and Marlboros.
I am hard like that.
Wolverines!

 

A T-Shirt I'd Like To See

Actually, I AM going to see it because I just made one for me at my custom Zoomie Shirt Shack on the intardwebs and I should be wearing it on my trembling and emaciated body within a week.

It will be a one-of-a-kind shirt from my private collection unavailable anywhere at any price because of two reasons:

A-  I can't sell it to the public due to the fact that Mickey Mouse is on there without permission, and I don't need Walt Disney's zombie corpse to beat me to death in a dark alley somewhere and devour what's left of my brain.

2- I kinda stole the remainder of the design from another guy who really shouldn't be toyed with because he has vast and terrifying knife-fighting skills that he learned in a Magna Carta dobro.

And if there's one thing I've learned in nearly fifty years, it's that you don't fuck with a dude armed with the blueprint for Western civilization, a knife, and a guitar...unless you smile and giggle a lot as you do it.

Some of you might be saying, "Zoomie!  It is offensive to the general public to be wearing clothes depicting a boorish cartoon rodent flipping the world the bird.  You are a crass Yankee asshole with no manners.  If you wore that shirt south of the Mason-Dixon Line, you would be shot numerous times and clandestinely fed to the hogs."

My reply?

Lookie here, Rhett.  I'm not gonna wear this stupid thing to church services, my kids' school functions, or the Ladies Auxiliary formal tea.

Give me a little credit...

I'll save it for special occasions...you know...like the shooting range, Occupy Wall Street gatherings, or court appearances.

Wolverines!

### 

Well...looks like the crew at my custom Zoomie Shirt Shack on the intardwebs has gone all Commie on me.

I got an email from them last night saying my design "conflicts with one or more of our acceptable content guidelines," and that they would not ship my T-shirt.

It's probably some kinda copyright thing with Mickey Mouse or something, but I don't recall Disney having a shit-fit when the design was used during the Iran hostage crisis back in the 70s.

Or maybe flipping the bird is considered obscene?

Or maybe the "III/Resist" is copy-written? 

Fuck if I know.

They didn't clarify.

I think I'll try my other design and see if they let it slide through.

If not, fuck them and their shirts too.

###

Ok...

Fuck these assholes at Zazzle.

They refused my second design.

I sent them the following e-mail, and I will now stomp my feet and walk away from them like a petulant child who didn't get his way.

Zazzle:

Here's an idea...

How about being more specific when you refuse a design? 

Don't tell me you don't have time. 

You are taking the time to look at a design and research and nit-pick every little detail.

Therefore, you have time to type a few words pointing out the offending detail.

I can go through your site and find all kinds of items that are offensive to me or are obviously "borrowed."

I am of the opinion that my conservative and belligerent designs are ruffling a few feathers out there in Kalifornia and are getting yanked for reasons other than "copyright" infringement, "an individual’s rights of celebrity/publicity," or "obscenity."

I am done with you.

Sincerely,

Paul Johnson

Anybody know of a place on the intardnets that will print my cartoonish and crappy shit without asking a lot of stupid fucking questions?

Peyton Manning Says 'Adios' To Indy

The only sports I follow to any extent are open-wheel auto racing and the National Football League. 

I enjoy the NFL for its exquisite violence because I am sick like that, but not once have I paid hard-earned money to see an NFL game in person.

I simply never gave a fuck enough.

I enjoyed watching Peyton Manning play football and win a Superbowl for the Indianapolis Colts.

But...it is all a mindless, meaningless distraction...something to watch for a few hours on a Sunday to escape from life for a while.

I appreciate Manning's impact on the city of Indianapolis.

For all I know, he is a decent man.

Peyton Manning...a multi-millionaire who will make millions more while the country circles the drain...announced in a tear-filled news conference that he will play the game in another city.

Flags are being lowered to half-mast all over the state of Indiana.

The Colts fan-boys (and girls) are slashing their collective wrists.

Whatever, man.

I still simply really don't give a fuck enough.

I have better things to worry about.

Down the road, Jack.

Don't let the door hit you...