A Major Award

I received major awards from work this week because I am a kick-ass, indispensable, irreplaceable, and essential employee.

I told you people I was awesome.

Maybe next time you will believe me when I tell you something.

suck and blow

I read somewhere on intardnets this week that work is a lot like playing the harmonica; you have to know when to suck, and when to blow.

Now…while this is funny as fuck, it is also at the same time not true in my case.

I simply put a lot of effort into my work, and I try to do my job in the most efficient way in order to satisfy the greatest number of customers.

I think outside the box to solve problems on my own, and I don't involve management unless I run into a issue I can't fix myself. 

At the same time, I will not risk causing personal injury or property damage in order to complete my assigned duties.

If road conditions are hazardous, my customers get their shit when they get it...and they'll know when they're "getting it" when I pull into their facilities and set the brakes.

Yes.

It is a balancing act.

I am Safety Sam.

Or something...

If doing so makes my boss happy, that’s cool too.

Sorta.

Apparently my boss is happy, seeing as he has seen his way clear to present me with these two major awards.

Also apparent is that my supervisor is an extremely important and busy guy as evidenced by the fact that the awards are for July and October of 2011, and I am just now receiving them!

Company scuttlebutt says it is rare for a driver to get the monthly award twice in the same year.

The company rumor mill is also grinding out that winners of this coveted monthly award are eligible for “Driver Of The Year” fame, which entails a $10,000 after-tax prize and all-expense paid drunk-fest in Chicago.

…and seeing as I was awarded the monthly honor twice, my name will be dropped in the hat TWICE for the annual award.

I don’t know anything about all of that, though.

With my luck, the company will have decided to discontinue the exorbitant annual driver award prize thing.

Oh well.

It’s not like I was counting on it, but with $10k I could certainly afford to replace all of my guns that I lost in that horrendous para-sailing accident a while back.

Anyhoo…should I be so fortunate as to win the annual prize, I’ll be sure to let you fine folks know about it in my own special way.

In the meantime, I probably had better quit flipping off cops and bad drivers while out on the open road.

It wouldn’t look good for a multiple major award winner to do such things.

That’s what I think.

 

I dig the vintage depiction of truck drivers in movies and advertisements.  Clean, pressed uniforms.  Cool fedoras or hats like a cop or a soldier in garrison would wear.  Always helpful, smiling, and smartly saluting with a two-fingers Boy Scout salute.  Then they slit your throat!

 

Today, one is lucky to meet a steering-wheel-holder who speaks the King's English, has bathed in the last week, and isn't wearing sweat pants, a filthy wife-beater, and flip-flops.

 

Dwellers.