Sunday, May 20, 2012

The First Indiana Domesticated Terror-Fest Is Complete

So the Hoosier Terror festival is complete.

A pleasant time was had by all.

About a dozen total in attendance (by some who traveled great distances), graciously hosted and much appreciated, in a remote and secure area.

It is sufficient to say that I pity the fool who tries to infiltrate this particular compound.

Trusting friendships were created and strengthened.

Much cursing, smoking, sedition, and seriously frightening gun-play took place.

Not trying to brag, but I am most satisfied that I have seemingly not lost the rifle marksmanship skills taught to me by Uncle Sugar so many years ago.

It is also a comfort to know that those in attendance are as good, if not better, than I with a firearm.

Again, I thank all in attendance, and especially our host.

It has been a long time…20 years or more…since I have experienced that kind of camaraderie.

It felt good.

If you haven’t attended a Terror-Fest/PatCom, get it done folks.

You won’t be disappointed.


This is the Zoomie Hilton at the Indiana Terror-Fest.

It was fancy and comfortable.


Yes. I drive a bitch car, but it was filled with guns, ammo, a hatchet, a vintage WW2 E-tool, beer, and a dead battery.

So fuck you.

The first night a pack of rabid and terrifying coyotes ran through the perimeter yipping and howling and waking me up and sending shivers of unbridled fear down my aching spine which was cracking because I'm old and haven't slept on the ground in 20 years because I'm delicate and stuff.

Too bad KnuckleCutter wasn't there.  I hear he enjoys killing innocent fuzzy cute feral wildlife like coyotes.  KnuckleCutter is a horrifying domesticated terrorist out in California, so he probably wouldn't drive to Indiana to satisfy his carnal blood-lusts.

He's kinda lazy like that.


Some of those in attendance stated that they were surprised at my scrawny, emaciated, compu-geek appearance...and that they figured I'd be "bigger" because of my shitty attitude and mouthy, know-it-all intardnets presence.

Then I flexed for them and got all swoll and demonstrated a thing or two on the rifle range, and they kinda backed down and slowly moved away from me.

I guess I showed them, the big dopes.

I brought a mess of cold beer, but apparently patriots don't like beer too much these days, so only a couple of us drank any, which means more for me it's all good.

A couple of guys tried to show me cool fire-starting shit, but I'm a city boy and pretty dumb sometimes, so I brought a Bic lighter and some sterno and had hot coffee any damn way.

Another cat knitted a groovy para-cord bracelet for me, so now I can strangle a Commie fool with it and nobody will know how I did it because a para-cord bracelet would never be suspected in a good old-fashioned Bolshevik throttling scenario.

This one dude, who was on Deep Purple's sound crew and a Marine all at the same time, showed me how to spot and dial in a scoped, high-powered rifle equipped with menacing attachments that curve up.

Or something.

He was an active duty type back in the old days, so he had a natural hatred for reservist pukes like me who skated all the time and got all the girls stateside while he risked his ass for me and everything good and beautiful and righteous and holy.

In spite of this, we got along famously.

Then there was this one person who plays it like he's just a regular Joe civilian maintenance man or something, but few know that he is a stone cold killer with a firearm....and he never got stupid and joined the military to learn this talent either.

No.  He did it on his own, on his own dime, and was not a tax-devouring government goon at any point in his life.

I saw him shoot the asshole out of many bulls-eyes with various and sundry long and short guns.

He is a natural.  He is frightening to me.  The authorities should be informed.


I probably shouldn't say much more about anybody else at this event, because they made it clear to me that if I fucked up their Operational Security by posting stupid shit and photos of them on the intardnets, they would slowly...and with much glee...gut me like a carp or field dress me and string me up in my own front yard.

Such an experience would be heinous and below average, so I had better shut up now.

Thanks again to all.  It was a pleasure and honor to spend the weekend with you.

Semper Fidelis.


  1. Awesome, the Patcom experience is the same no matter where it is held. We down in Texas love the hell out of that Marine, and we're doing our best to drag him down here. No, we ain't gonna share : )

  2. Yeah...I heard you were kidnapping his ass. He is very happy about it.

    1. Plenty of opportunity down here for a "sick smart" feller like him. His prospects are very good.

  3. Wanted to go but had kids and grands over from out of town. Had smoked brisket and chickens, horseplay in the pool, and shooty goodness at the private lead propulsion area. Even got the daughter-in-law to shoot for the first time. Can't argue about that one :-)

  4. Good job Gentlemen!


  5. Zoomie shit Bro I'm already thinking fall Patcom. Not to mention our little meet ups in between! I think you nailed it man Camaraderie! Dudes that think alike!Somebody you can count on when the chips are down!Truly glad you jumped in from the get go!Bittersweet though with Grumps passing!I bet he was there after all!


  6. Great job patriots. Wish we could have been there. Still discussing our PatCom and the Summit at Mercer. Lots of work for all of us still to do. Tribal and Local.

  7. Pretty sure I'm going to get arrested for reading this post.

    Guns are scary and shit.

    ...missed you trackside bro.

    1. It was a real hoot. You would have loved it. I have a bruised shoulder from rifle recoil...and I like it.

    2. Ata boy Zoomie definitively no room for whiners. I had great time! It's really good to know that their are still a few good men left in America. Oh by the way knitting is done with two needles. Braiding in done by hand. Dam city boys LMAO!

      God bless America!

      Peace brother

  8. Zoomie I borrowed your design for Grump hope its cool!


  9. I am the biggest tool in the world for not making it. It was a situation involving childcare and obligations within my own tribe.

    Are any of you going to hit the Indy 1500 when K. comes on a gun show tour? I'd like to at least do a meet and greet before long.

    1. Yes. You ARE a tool. :D

      I wondered where the fuck you were, as I knew we were in your neck of the woods.

      Hell...your place probably caught a few stray rounds from us.

      Figured you had solid reasons to miss it. Sounds like another Ind. PatCom could brew up this fall, but who knows?

      I'm gonna try to hit the 1500. Should be a hootenanny...

      I hope to meet you one way or another.

      Be cool.

  10. Zoomie, you are in the vote off for the Coolest SOB In The Conservative Blogosphere

    1. Wow. I am in rarefied air. Probelm is it smells like farts.

  11. Zoomie, ya didn't pander for votes so ya got that...... Next time at patcom get you a bumpfire stock, its like full auto fun but legal....... Just wish y-all would get closer to the northcoast, Cleveland,..........

  12. I would consider driving to Indiana (that's near Texas, right?) for a double bag of coyotes and liberals one day if I were to be invited and paid.
    Flying would be out of the question as groping and feeling me up falls in Miss Lisa's realm.
    Congrats on the kid. Sometimes they do listen.


Feel free to comment away with your bad-ass selves.

Cursing and foul language is fine...even encouraged here. In fact, I think cussing is fucking wonderful.

Just remember...this is MY house, and I will not be insulted or maliciously messed with here.

Good-natured ribbing is cool, but if you and I don't have some kind of previous relationship, you had best mind your fucking manners or I will relegate you to the intardnets dustbin for being a cunt.

To know me is to love me.

Or something.