Sunday, June 3, 2012

Number One Son Graduates High School And Makes Dad Look Like A Genius!

I can fuck you up in any number of ways.  Just give me a second to get out of this goofy outfit first!

Number One Son graduated from his high school yesterday.

Seventh in his class of approximately 200…

One of those moments in life where I think all the constant nagging from my wife and I (parenting) has paid off.

One of those moments that make me think, “Fuck!  He actually listened to some of the shit I told him!”

I have often told him and his brother and sister to NOT do what I did.

"Study.  Work hard.  Don’t half-ass anything you do.  You are responsible for you, and you have nobody to blame but yourself for your failures.  Educate yourself and learn a skill that will allow you to earn a decent living.  Nobody owes you a living."

I am so proud of him the buttons on my shirt are popping off like an M-16 on full auto.

His good grades seemingly came easy for him. 

Math subjects like algebra and calculus, which, in ancient times caused my brain to shut down and my eyes to glaze over in glorious stupidity, were no great problem for him.

Finite math was another story, apparently, and he had to devote some actual study time to pass this course.

When I attempted finite math, I smoked bowls on the walk to class and arrived thoroughly baked.  I eventually dropped the course in order to avoid receiving my well-deserved F.

There’s a reason they call it “dope”…

I told all my kids early on that it would behoove them to learn Spanish as the country was being over-run, and having this skill would most likely end up being beneficial for any number of reasons.

Number One Son also excelled in Spanish language, although I have rarely heard him speak a word of it around me unless it was a Spanish curse word of some sort.

I think this is because I’ve always encouraged my kids to speak “American” at home, and that I constantly ask them to report to me any devious goings-on of their Commie-loving, Chavez-nut-gargling, Castro-ass-kissing, Che-worshipping Spanish teacher.

Anyhoo…after years of prodding and listening to me tell him how NOT to do things, (and that there was basically no way I was going to be able to fund a college education for him), Number One Son decided to follow in his uncle’s footsteps and pursue the computer field.

No dumb shit like truck-driving for him…

He will be attending the local satellite office of Purdue University.

He received a small education scholarship or two, and took out a student loan in his own name.

Apparently, these facts, according to some, make my son and I members of the tax-devouring Free Shit Army, and we are to be despised and loathed by all true and real American patriots.

I dunno about all that. 

He earned the scholarships with his good grades, and he will repay his loans through working while/after attending school.

So…therefore…I don’t give two stinking shits what anybody says about my son and I being leaches on the system.

Fuck you anyway.

Besides all that, I taught him to shoot at an early age.

Another lesson from me he took to heart…

He is a crack shot with a handgun and a rifle.

He can fuck up your world with lead, and, someday, with computers…a frightening combination.


I am a bad dad.

Congratulations, son.

Well done. 

I couldn’t be more proud of you.


  1. Congratulations to both of you -- that's pretty damned awesome! You realize how old that makes you, right? Mine are 27 and 19, so perhaps we can compare which walkers work best for us.

    If he does so well in math I sure hope he's going into engineering or some other technology?

    1. Thanks...and yeah...he's a pretty good young man. Smart and handsome. I like to think I had something to do with it, but I am also a realist, so he probably got it from his mother!

      He plans on the IT field (information technology).

  2. Ditto on the Congrats ! I understand the pride and it is good.

    Consider me pleased for both of you.

    in the NC woods

  3. WAY TO EFFEN GO ZOOMIE JUNIOR!!!!!! Study hard now, work hard later- make lots of $$$ to buy lots of guns

  4. Congrats Zoomie I'd say you did good! Now on the looks thing um Damn Bro, Sorry but I'm betting he got the looks from Mom! Hopefully between a few of us OUR kids might save this Shitty world!


  5. Thanks, all.

    It is most gratifying to see all three of my children as they take their first baby steps out into the real world.

    They are beginning to see and appreciate the value of parents who stay married, constantly care about them, and never stop trying to teach them valuable life lessons.

    As they begin to compete amongst their peers for entry level jobs and other privileges, they are understanding that they are a step ahead of many of their peers because of the way my wife and I raised them.

    Of course...I am a little prejudiced, but I am of the opinion that the "outside world" is taking notice of my kids and their exceptional qualities.

    No. They ain't perfect, and I sure as hell ain't the perfect dad, but I'm am damn proud of all of them.

  6. Congrats on raising a good man despite the schools trying to do otherwise. Yes, you had something to do with it. Good job. We need more dads and sons like you two.

  7. Congrats Zman. You and your wife have obviously done a fine job raising that boy.
    Miss Violet

  8. Congrats to you and your recent Grad, Zoomie!

  9. Purdue?

    That'll fuck him up for sure.

    Oh well, at least you tried.

  10. Purdue is an excellent school. Some of my most favoritest people in the world have Purdue degrees.

    I used to think Indiana University was the bomb. Not so much any more, as I have found that IU produces far too many liberal dick-smacks for my taste.

    1. "Some of my most favoritest people in the world have Purdue degrees."

      Why thank you. I am truly honored.

  11. Congratulations to him and to you!

    1. Thanks, man. Yeah...he's a pretty squared away young man. He's getting his shit together for college now, and has declared a engineering.

      Shit. I'm gonna be the father of an engineer! Pretty cool.

      BTW...nice blog you have there. Added you to the list. You must feel so proud! ;)

  12. Hey that's fuckin' awesome! And fuck anyone who calls y'all FSA. That kid is gonna go far...


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