Saturday, May 8, 2010

Part 4- My Humongous Astronomical 2010 Indy 500 Blog Mess: Spy Satellites Are Up!


My spy satellites are up and running after a generous infusion of cash from our beloved President’s personal stash. Thank you, Mr. President, for your support.

My birds are unarmed, unlike our President’s drones, which will seek out and destroy the Jonas Brothers who may or may not be ogling our President's lovely but underage daughters.

So, therefore, you needn’t worry about my spy vehicles delivering hell-fire and damnation to your doorstep.

No. All my birds do is remain vigilant and collect data from all interested parties who click on my intardent Indy 500 blog foolishness.

Rest assured I will not sell or otherwise forward that data to third parties, because I’m just a little bit cool and I know how to keep my mouth shut and my fingers off the keyboard when I need to.


Anyhoo…here is a still image my satellites have collected in recent days, and some interesting tidbits of info to go along with it.

Many institutions of higher learning have clicked on my world-wide-webs stupidity. Here are some of them. I bet they are doing research on low mental capacity. Or something…

Ivytech Community College Of Indiana, Indianapolis, Indiana, United States

Michigan State University
, East Lansing, Michigan, United States

Conroe Independent School District, Spring, Texas, United States

Anchorage School District, Anchorage, Alaska, United States

Indiana Department Of Education
, Tipton, Indiana, United States

Macomb Community College, Warren, Michigan, United States

Monroe Public Schools
, Monroe, Connecticut, United States

University Of San Diego, San Diego, California, United States

Central Missouri State University
, Warrensburg, Missouri, United States


Some other interested clickers are:

Defense Contractors/Government/Spies/Military

Lockheed Martin Corporation, Tucker, Georgia, United States – They make airplanes and missiles, so they are cool.

Navy Network Information Center, Norfolk, Virginia, United States – I used to dabble in the Marine Corps, which is part if the Navy. The best part…

U.S. House of Representatives, Washington, District Of Columbia, United States – Really? You have nothing more important to do?

Raytheon Company, Boston, Massachusetts, United States – A huge part of the evil military/industrial complex, and I support them whole-heartedly.

Motorola General Systems Group, Mundelein, Illinois, United States – I have one of their cell phones. I bet it covertly tracks me too.

Riyadh, Ar Riyad, Saudi Arabia – Probably bored GIs at the air base surfing the intardwebs while off-duty.

Tigrisnet Iraq, Iraq – Hopefully, more bored GIs, because I’d hate for it to be surly Al-Queada associates looking to later saw my head off with a dull butter knife and post it on You-Tubes.

TRW Space And Defense Sector, Torrance, California, United States – They maintain my satellites for me, so I give them an employee discount if they buy one of my cartoonish and crappy racin’ T-shirts.



Global Credit Union, Spokane, Washington, United States – They are “down home” and more friendly than an evil traditional bank, and they will just give you wheel barrows full of cash if you ask nicely. Probably.

American Council Of Life Insurers, Arlington, Virginia, United States – Probably will be obsolete because they will no longer be needed once our President’s new policies are in effect.

Hewitt Associates, Palatine, Illinois, United States – A “human resources” firm, otherwise known as a union-busting outfit. Kinda. Our President has probably got them on a watch list, or something. Maybe.

Froehling Weber, Canton, Illinois, United States – A high-powered law firm. They are probably in the early investigative stages of forming a case against me. If so, I am sorry, and I will delete whatever it was I did.

State Street Bank And Trust Company, Kansas City, Missouri, United States – An evil, traditional bank bent on the destruction of everything all Americans hold near and dear. They’ll get theirs, the big dopes.



Cedars-Sinai Health Systems, Los Angeles, California, United States
– A world-renowned health facility. Who knows how much longer they will be in existence?

J. Greg Allen Associates, Champaign, Illinois, United States – A highly skilled builder and contractor. They do beautiful work. If you want it built America-tough, call these guys. Maybe they won’t be too busy on the intardnets to answer the phone. Who’s to say? Certainly not me.

Howard Orloff Jaguar, Chicago, Illinois, United States – Jags are bad-ass. Call these guys if you want one. They will be more than happy to separate you from your hard-earned cash. It’s the American way. Yay capitalism!

Extended Stay Hotels, Lake Forest, California, United States – Probably some unseemly shenanigans going on here. I’ll say nothing more.

Summit Racing, Akron, Ohio, United States – They are cool because I bought some hot rod parts from them 10 years ago. Those parts are still in their original boxes, because I’ve been too busy to install them.

Many of my readers have been busy too.

They have been busy reading internets foolishness instead of working.

Bad, bad, recalcitrant malingering readers!

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Cursing and foul language is fine...even encouraged here. In fact, I think cussing is fucking wonderful.

Just remember...this is MY house, and I will not be insulted or maliciously messed with here.

Good-natured ribbing is cool, but if you and I don't have some kind of previous relationship, you had best mind your fucking manners or I will relegate you to the intardnets dustbin for being a cunt.

To know me is to love me.

Or something.