Monday, May 5, 2008

Part 4-My 2008 Magnificent Colossal Indy 500 Photo Blog Thing: Opening Day

Today was opening day at IMS. You all probably knew that.

I arrived at the Georgetown Road tunnel gate 15 minutes prior to them opening.

I have issues.

I was in line with approximately 92 Corvettes. I was not in a Corvette. I was in a beat up ’93 Cadillac.

Many of the Yellow Shirts laughed at me because I was in a beat up Caddy. They hurt my inner child, but then I regained my sense of humor and said, “I left my ‘Vette at home today!”

Or, “Hey. My payment book is a lot smaller!”

Or, “It’s A GM, and it starts with a 'C'!”

Or, “Yo! I’m not trying to compensate for a small penis like they are!”

The Yellow Shirts and I finished exchanging pleasantries, and I was then waved through to the parking area.

I got parked and marched over to the garages. There, I met Grover. As is tradition, he kicked my ass and stole all my beer. He is a bad race fan.

Then, I saw the car of Ryan-Hunter-Reay. He is a former Champ Car guy who got outsourced to real Indy racing. He has too many hymens in his name. That’s what I think.

He needs to lose his hymens, but I have no earthly idea how this would be accomplished.

Anyhoo…this is what his car looks like.

It is a green race car. Green race cars are improper and imprudent, and everyone even remotely conversant with the rules and regulations of real Indy racing knows this.

Unless your race car is a 1964 Lotus, it should not be green.

This fact is indisputable.

This is a shot of some of the rookie stars of real Indy Car racing. They are posing in front of a dirty school bus.

This is probably some kinda promotion to make sure the kiddies stay in school and drink their milk, or something.

I bet these drivers are hoping they get to drink some milk come race day.

This is the crack Newman/Haas/Lanigan Team preparing the racing machine of Justin Wilson.

Justin decided he'd had enough of the corporate shenanigans over at Champ Car, so he came over to the Indy Car Series to see what was up.

Justin apparently likes what he sees with Indy Car, because today he breezed through his R.O.P.

This is something I saw at the track today. It kinda looks like something the Marines would use in downtown Fallujah to quell a bit of unpleasantness, but it is actually something Firestone uses to launch free cheap T-shirts into the stands to greedy fans.

Firestone used to use a man-portable bazooka type device for this activity, but I guess Firestone decided they needed to ratchet up the violence levels in their tire promotions.

Firestone has apparently ripped a page from the Halliburton/Bush/Cheney playbook and applied their tactics to T-shirt distribution.

Firestone is evil.


This is Hideki Mutoh. He is a new guy driving for Andretti/Green. He graduated from Indy Lights because he did so good there, and because Dario Judd and his wife decided to leave real Indy racing for NASCAR.

I guess Dario figured he had accomplished all there was to accomplish with shiny and fast open wheeled racers, so he would try something totally different.

Dario got T-boned last week at Talladega and suffered a broken ankle for his efforts.

I bet Ashley lays down the law before too long. She has had about enough of her husband's dangerous stunts. She needs her man at home taking care of the family.

This is Tomas Scheckter engaging in dangerous horseplay.

Tomas drives for the Lucky Dragoons team, which is owned and operated by Jay Penske. If there is one thing Tomas should know, he should know that a Penske will not tolerate dangerous horseplay.

Jay Penske is Roger Penske's son, but the Lucky Dragoons team is in no way associated with Team Penske.

The Lucky Dragoon garage is located directly adjacent to the Team Penske stables.

I will be watching closely to make sure there is no nepotism taking place.

Today was Unser Family Love Fest Day at IMS. Every Unser on the earth was there today, except for Bobby. He couldn't make the trip because the guy who flies his private plane lost his paperwork or the keys to the plane, or something.

1 comment:

  1. Like your post. My 1967 Lotus41C was Green. I also owned a 79A March that originally belonged to Doug Shierson and was driven by Howdey Holmes.


Feel free to comment away with your bad-ass selves.

Cursing and foul language is fine...even encouraged here. In fact, I think cussing is fucking wonderful.

Just remember...this is MY house, and I will not be insulted or maliciously messed with here.

Good-natured ribbing is cool, but if you and I don't have some kind of previous relationship, you had best mind your fucking manners or I will relegate you to the intardnets dustbin for being a cunt.

To know me is to love me.

Or something.