Thursday, May 8, 2008

Part 18-My 2008 Magnificent Colossal Indy 500 Photo Blog Thing: A Reader Needs Direction...

Mr. Zoomie,

I need your help. I have decided to neglect my work duties and take a day off tomorrow, Fast Friday, so that I might spend boatloads of cash in order to see brave racecar drivers defy reason as they hurl themselves at breakneck speeds into turn one of the most famous racecourse in the world.

I fear that like you, I am becoming a recalcitrant malingerer and will soon be searching for ways to extend my stay through the end of the month. Already I am thinking that returning home having missed the better part of Mothers Day is foolhardy.

If you have any pointers that might help me deal with this overwhelming desire to shirk my responsibilities and drive to Indy I'm all ears.

Please forgive me if this question has already been asked since I have a tendency to skip over unimportant words and sentences when I read. I'm a big picture guy.

Distraught in Detroit

Dear Disturbed in D-Town:

I feel you, broheem. Sounds to me as if you have a natural tendency towards guilt. I understand. Perhaps you were brought up Catholic, as I was. If so, you know guilt is part of our everyday lives.

However, there are a few things you can ponder which may assuage your guilt.

1. The Indy 500 comes but once a year, and no job is so important that you can't miss a week or two. Besides, if you are employed by an evil corporation, as most of us are, you know that no one is irreplaceable or essential.

To your employer, you are nothing but a number...a warm, breathing taker-of-space. You are a commodity to be bought and sold or disposed of for the sake of shareholder satisfaction.

Enjoy your life and the Indy 500. Time flies and you will be dead before you know it.

Regrets suck.

2. The Right Reverand ArchBishop of Canterbury O'Meara always makes it to race day for the invocation, and that's on a Sunday when he's supposed to be doing some real work.

If it's good enough for him, it sure as shootin' is good enough for you.

3. Mother's Day has always been a conundrum for me as well. My mom is pretty cool. She is a race fan too, and she understands things. I find a "Hi Mom. Happy Mother's Day. I love you. I'm going to the track now." and a hug and kiss will tide things over.

In your case, a phone call should work. Moms have just about all the stuff they need, and they know sometimes their sons can be dorks.

Besides, you can always spend quality time with your mom after the race.

What's the rush?

I hope I have been helpful.

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