Wouldn't you know it?
They called my number for jury duty, so after working a 13-hour shift and four hours of sleep, I get to go downtown and go through all the bullshit.
I am tired, cranky, and in a fouler-than-usual mood.
I have no interest in taking part in these state-sponsored shenanigans.
I fill out the juror questionnaire thinking, "This should get their attention!"
I get shuffled off to a court room and seated in a jury box.
Opening statements and instructions are made.
The judge asks if there are veterans in the group, and we get TYFYS'd. (Thank you for your service.)
It is a rape case. The accused is a Hispanic gentleman who looks like a drug cartel hit-man.
The jury pool is an interesting cross section of people.
-Clueless young fucks who are half asleep or medicated outta their damned minds.
-Over-exuberant fans of the State who can't wait to take part in this shit and show how smart they are and tell their entire life story at the drop of a hat.
-Openly racist motherfuckers who hate all taco-benders and won't be able to be impartial.
-Few, if any, assholes like me.
It is time for voir dire, which is where the judge and attorneys look at the questionnaires and figure out which jurors they want for the trial.
They come to me...
The prosecuting attorney: "Mr. Zoomie..."
Me: "I bet you didn't like my comments much..."
Attorney: "So...we're all corrupt? Me...the judge...everybody?"
Me: "Yes ma'am. Pretty much..."
Attorney: "Why is that?"
Me: "Well...I hope both parties in this case get justice. I really do. But the fact is that win, lose, or draw, you all (lawyers, judges, the State) still get paid."
Judge: "I hope to always get paid."
Attorney: "Do you think you can be an impartial juror?"
Me: "Yes ma'am. I can do this if I have to."
Attorney: "Then why are you here? You stated on the questionnaire that you could be an impartial juror, and then stated that you believe the system is corrupt."
Me: "Do I really have a choice? I don't want to catch a case."
Attorney: "What do you mean by 'catch a case?'"
Me: "Contempt. I know what a summons is."
Judge: "So, Mr. Zoomie...you are making a political statement?"
Me: "Yes ma'am, I am."
Ended up they threw my ass out.
I was excused.
I didn't exactly go all Nathan Hale on them.
I was polite, I think I made my point, but I wasn't gonna die on that hill...
I bet I'm on their drone hit-list for sure now.
I win anyway.