Friday, July 18, 2014

Up Yours Part II: I Tell The State Exactly What I Think Of Them


Wouldn't you know it?

They called my number for jury duty, so after working a 13-hour shift and four hours of sleep, I get to go downtown and go through all the bullshit.

I am tired, cranky, and in a fouler-than-usual mood.

I have no interest in taking part in these state-sponsored shenanigans.

I fill out the juror questionnaire thinking, "This should get their attention!"

I get shuffled off to a court room and seated in a jury box.

Opening statements and instructions are made.

The judge asks if there are veterans in the group, and we get TYFYS'd. (Thank you for your service.)


It is a rape case.  The accused is a Hispanic gentleman who looks like a drug cartel hit-man.

The jury pool is an interesting cross section of people.

-Clueless young fucks who are half asleep or medicated outta their damned minds.

-Over-exuberant fans of the State who can't wait to take part in this shit and show how smart they are and tell their entire life story at the drop of a hat.

-Openly racist motherfuckers who hate all taco-benders and won't be able to be impartial.

-Few, if any, assholes like me.

It is time for voir dire, which is where the judge and attorneys look at the questionnaires and figure out which jurors they want for the trial.

They come to me...

The prosecuting attorney:  "Mr. Zoomie..."

Me:  "I bet you didn't like my comments much..."

Attorney:  "So...we're all corrupt?  Me...the judge...everybody?"

Me:  "Yes ma'am.  Pretty much..."

Attorney:  "Why is that?"

Me:  "Well...I hope both parties in this case get justice.  I really do.  But the fact is that win, lose, or draw, you all (lawyers, judges, the State) still get paid."

Judge:  "I hope to always get paid."

Attorney:  "Do you think you can be an impartial juror?" 

Me:  "Yes ma'am.  I can do this if I have to."

Attorney:  "Then why are you here?  You stated on the questionnaire that you could be an impartial juror, and then stated that you believe the system is corrupt."

Me:  "Do I really have a choice?  I don't want to catch a case."

Attorney:  "What do you mean by 'catch a case?'"

Me:  "Contempt.  I know what a summons is."

Judge:  "So, Mr. are making a political statement?"

Me:  "Yes ma'am, I am."

Ended up they threw my ass out.

I was excused.

I didn't exactly go all Nathan Hale on them.

I was polite, I think I made my point, but I wasn't gonna die on that hill...

I bet I'm on their drone hit-list for sure now.

Fuck it.

I win anyway.



  1. Good to have you back.
    Glad you did not have to serve.

  2. I got to do this shit next month in GA. Twice in 48 months in a county with a population of 185k. I know it's because I vote. I appreciate the intel.

  3. Heh. I'm a convicted felon and I get a summons for jury duty every three months here in Florida. Even that doesn't guarantee a pass. What usually gets me dismissed is the fact I wear my clerical collar to court. They won't excuse for being a felon but they will send you home for being a member of the clergy! Can't have any of that Christianity in the court-room!

    Paul L.
    III Chaplain Corps

  4. I'd say that was NH enough, the leagle beagles(deliberate misspell)aren't used to independent thinking adults. A shame you couldn't get any pictures.

  5. I did pretty much the same thing about 15 years back, but I attached a letter (Because I'm a windbag) and have never had a summons again. I was pretty sure I was going to get called on the letter because of the length I went to letting them know what I thought of their system. I am sure it put me on a list, just not the one for the jury pool in our county

  6. I bet I'm on their drone hit-list for sure now.

    Good job! :)

  7. I went further than that once. Back in 01 I was called on and I wrote back some facts. The former Sheriff was convicted of rape. The magistrate was convicted of stealing money from a trust fund he was in charge of.. The district Judge left in disgrace when it was discovered he was getting sex from women for leniency. And the County Prosecuter had ties with the Detroit Mob. This was in Macomb County MI. Look it up. Well they never called me back. i wonder why?

    the fukkn A-team

  8. "drone list now"

    Now. Hahaha...that's funny! Just now, right?

    They got away pleased, these scum. All they care about is that they get to decide.

  9. Zoomie, I failed ya man.
    I hate to admit it but I did.
    I see some of your latest art work going around at places like Kerodin's and WRSA and am thinking right on!

    Then I am thinking, wait a minute, how come I don't see this shit at my place first?

    So I get to looking and there ain't no Zoomie on my fucking Blogroll anymore!!


    I had a "Blogger Moment" here a while back where Blogger took a huge shit all over my Blog and I basically had to start completely over in the template department. It took me 3 days to figure out WTF had happened but by then I was 3/4's done revamping the bitch.

    Somehow, in that fucking fiasco, you got dropped.

    My apologies, sir.

    I took care of that discrepancy muy fucking pronto as soon as I realized it.

    Forgive me brother!

    As for this jury duty business, I have one that has never failed me.
    I had to have my lower back fused about 30 years ago so I just write back and inform them of that little fact and mention that I still have sciatic nerve pain and can't sit for extended periods.

    Hasn't failed me yet, I never hear another word outta the bastards.

    If they ever decide to press the issue, I will make sure and limp in there real slow and pull up my shirt to show them the results of the butchery.
    That will do it for certain.


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