Around Thanksgiving last year I had some birfday card money burning a hole in my pocket, so I decided I wanted another gun to replace all the guns that I lost in that calamitous sub-Saharan tsunami surfing incident I experienced.
What a surprise that was.
Way back several years ago when I bought my Glock23…which is unfortunately gone now…I looked at the fine CZ75 line of handguns, and I found them to be sexy, nice, natural pointers which fit my massive but delicate girlie hands beautifully.
(You all know what big hands mean. Big gloves.)
A CZ75 would be my next purchase.
So a buddy and I drove all over town to at least six different gun stores, and I couldn’t find anything that really tripped my trigger and didn’t cost a fortune.
I saw one CZ75 in nickel, but everybody knows nickel-plated guns are for pimps, poseurs, and non-tactical pogues…so I said “fuck no.”
Then I said “fuck it” and looked around online.
Then I remembered I had a female intardnet buddy who worked at a gun store called Tomlinsons Shooting Supplies in northern Indiana.
I said female, but don’t go thinking I’m having some kinda sordid online affair with her or sexually harassing her or anything so that I can get free guns or reduced pricing on boom sticks.
She is happily married, and so am I…and she has red hair and is frightening and gets easily riled and would think nothing of shooting me in the face with one of her many 1911s.
little red-haired girl
It was a purely professional business transaction between her and I, and no funny stuff took place unless you count the fact that she blew her nose on my new gun before she shipped it to me.
Like all 1911 mavens, she is extremely mean and nasty.
Some of you might be saying, “Zoomie! You are rambling! Shut the fuck up and tell us what you bought! Asshole!”
Czech it out.
It is a new commie CZ75BD, all-steel, 9mm, 16 +1, made in Czechoslovakia...and then shuffled off to Kansas City, Kansas.
I say “commie” because Czechoslovakia used to be part of the Communist bloc party of nations, but not so much anymore.
I am told that my new CZ75BD is a lot like a Browning Hi-Power and/or a 1911, supposedly, but cheaper and more better and refined because the CZ company took the best parts of the Hi-Power and 1911 and mashed them all together to get what we have now.
Hell no it's not nickel-plated, but nor is is blued.
CZ does what is kinda like a paint thing to
their tactical shit...a poly-coating of some sort. It is tough as
nails and seems impervious to solvents.
I understand that some of you might be thinking painting a gun is pure cheese-dickery, but this shit works.
Hell...I guess if it does ever chip, one could touch it up with a Sharpie!
I’ve heard of some famous gun cat named Colonel D.B. Cooper who likes the CZ75, but I don’t know too much about all of that.
The CZ75 series apparently is also used by a bunch of former Commie bloc party police and military, so if it’s good enough for them, it will probably be OK for me to use too when the apocalypse comes-a-calling.
The CZ75 I bought is the “decocker” version.
The term “de-cocker” is kinda emasculating, and I don’t want to be de-cocked, but once I looked into it I decided getting de-cocked wouldn’t be so bad because walking around with the hammer down on a loaded throat could get me de-cocked for real and I probably wouldn’t like that much.
So…I order and receive my new piece, and it sits for a couple of months until just last week when I finally get a chance to give it a test drive.
I’ve been busy.
I grabbed a couple hundred rounds of cheap WalMart Winchester white-box ammo and headed out to Indy Trading Post to try out their new indoor range.
My CZ ran without a hitch and was very accurate with no failures of any kind.
Silky smooth operation. Sweet recoil. A joy to hold and fire.
Here are a couple of my targets which were 7 yards distant.
This is my first few magazines, and I sorta dumped them in an orgiastic frenzy of trigger yanking mayhem.
This is my next couple of magazines using proper techniques and stuff. Note how I blasted dude's heart out his back and then pumped his stupid head full of holes. I am a stone cold paper-punching bad-ass!
The de-cocker mechanism was a little stiff, but worked itself out nicely after a few manipulations.
I love manipulating my de-cocker now.
Some of you might be saying, “Zoomie! You and your gun reviews suck much ass! Who do you think you are…Massoob Ayaab? Please hurry up and die already!”
This would be my reply:
First of all, I’m sure he is the God of War, but I don’t care much for Massoob Ayaab.
What a douche.
"Cop just wants to go home at the end of his shift."
No shit? Guess what, crater-face. I wanna go home too…preferably without being harassed by a donut-assaulting, tax-devouring, revenue-collecting government agent for exercising my Constitutional rights.
How's about you don't treat every citizen as if he is John Dillinger?
How's about you lay off the "pre-crime" investigation. You fuckers mop up afterwards most times anyways. Grab a swab. I'll take care of me and mine.
How's about you don't expect me to genuflect and lick your balls every time we have an encounter so you feel "comfortable?"
Fuck your "comfort." Seems to me your level of "comfort" is in direct proportion to my level of liberty and how much of it you wanna try to take.
I give two shits about making your job "easier."
Nobody helps make my job "easier."
If you can't handle the tough job, it's time to look for something else to do.
I don’t want to be Massoob Ayaab.
Whew...I feel better now that I've said all of that crap.
One word of advice about the CZ from your Uncle Zoomie:
When I got home I field stripped my CZ and hosed it down with an automotive brake cleaning solvent.
I don’t recommend this activity unless you first remove the cheap factory plastic hand-grips.
I did not, and my plastic hand-grips started to turn white, melt, and dissolve right before my very horrified eyes, but this gave me an excuse to order a set of Hogue rubber grips with finger grooves.
Doing this gave my new CZ75 a custom personalized appearance and made it look and feel cool and menacing too.
In addition to the grips, I also purchased a cheap and embarrassing Fobus paddle holster.
I know a lot of you snobs out there think that if you don't use a $200 hand-fabricated custom leather rig to carry your piece, you are probably anti-American and definitely stupid.
I do not agree, and I don't give a shit what you think.
Generally, I like the Fobus. It works for me in most cases, and one drawback to the CZ75 is that there are not a shitload of holster choices for it.
The Fobus I got for my CZ75 does not have the retention tension adjusting screw like other Fobus models, and from what I could tell, Fobus does not make a paddle holster for the CZ75 with the adjustment capabilities.
Initially, the Fobus held my CZ75 much too tight, and I damn near undressed myself when I tried to draw.
I put the piece in the holster, and then gently warmed the whole mess on a space heater.
Doing this seemed to loosen things up a bit and make the Fobus more usable.
I am a fucking genius.
But I still wasn't satisfied, so I did something really intelligent and went to the Fobus website.
There, they recommended that one can wipe down the inside of the holster with some kind of lube to make it easier to draw one's tight piece.
This I did with a little CLP, and I found inserting into and withdrawing from my tight little Fobus much more pleasurable.
I had a smoke, and all was right with the world.
But then…wouldn’t you know it…just the other day…a gang of Albanian dwarves got the drop on me and took my new CZ75!
Once again I am disarmed and defenseless.
And damn all you Albanian dwarves straight to hell!