Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Here's Your Sign: Announcing The Hater Blog Award

The cool nice blogger kids get theirs...

...so I figured we who were raised by wolves and are a little rough around the edges deserved one of our own.

I don't give a fuck how many followers you have, and you can post it in your sidebar or some other place of dishonor or do with it as you wish.

I created and awarded this coveted medallion to those of you who do one or more of the following:  

-would willingly gut a fool like a carp.
-string multiple curse words together in a glorious fashion.
-could incite Mother Teresa to turn tricks with your writing skills.
-post mostly original content.
-use a blogger template layout with dark, threatening images and a background that is always mostly all black because it is intimidating and shows you mean business and are not to be trifled with.
-don't post cat pictures.
-dig guns but don't act like an asshole about it.
-exhibit a warped, demented sense of humor.
-make me think I'd like to drink beer and shoot the shit with you. 

Feel free to pass it on to anyone you please.

You don't have to link to anybody.

You don't have to give a fuck.

In fact, not giving a fuck is of paramount importance...

There are no rules, except for the rule that there are no rules.

I will get around to passing out more awards later, but right now I need to take a nap and then go to work.

Congrats to those who have already been honored.

You are in rarefied air, my friends.

Huzzah and shit...


I get the feeling some of you might be saying, "Zoomie!  You fucking douche!  What's the reason for doing this?  Are you looking for attention?  Don't you have anything better to do?  You are super-geek!"

I suppose there may be something to this, and I will admit that there is an element of ego involved with publishing a blog thang.

Bloggers/writers naturally want other motherfuckers to read their shit and react.

Anyhoo...when I saw that Liebster Blog award thing getting passed around the intardnet, I thought it was interesting.

Then I thought I might like to receive some kind of blog award for doing what I do.

Then I got a little jealous.

Then I noticed that the bloggers who were receiving the Liebster Award were good folks who weren't vile and foul and didn't ruffle feathers too much.

Then I understood that I didn't get a Liebster Award because I am an asshole.

Then I decided to create an alternative blogger award, and generously present it to myself and other bloggers I appreciate.

That's all.

If the above explanation isn't good enough, I suggest reading my mission statement on the right sidebar.

Thanks for visiting.


  1. I'd like to thank the academy and all the motherfuckers what made it all possible fr' me to ascend to this meteoric and, dare i say it, quite erotic height.

    I'll see you @ patcon.

  2. Fucking A, Brother. I posted mine as soon as I saw it.

  3. All fuckin' right! Thanks for the nomination. I'll wear it like a gangsta wears a hood ornament!

  4. Damn Zoomie, I'm speechless. Proud to have made the cut!

  5. Well fuck me! Computer goes down and I find out I am a badass award winner.I am Honored and will fly the motherfucker proudly!Thanks Bro!


  6. Ahem... I'd like to thank my time as a sailor for granting me "alternative vocabulary" enough to say: I'm goddamn fuckin' proud to receive this motherfuckin' honor, and I'm gonna post the son of a bitch in a place of honor on my blog. Any dipshit jackass blowhard fucktard who don't like it can suck my sweaty balls. Thank you.

    Hey, good luck with y'all's Indy PATCOM! WOOT!!! Kick this pig, it's about damn time we all started coming together...

  7. CC:

    That was one of the most beautifullest pieces of acceptance speech poemtry I have ever seen.

    I openly wept.

    Congrats to every recipient. You are some of my favorite innerweb cut-throats.

    You are all winners.

    1. Move over ya cocksuckers, yer in my way.

      Apparently I have been bestowed with this rare honor myself.

      Wait, I don't see any free beer here.

      What the fuck?
      An award show with no booze?


      Anyways Zoomie, thanks for the nod, I have no idea how the fuck you found me but all that matters is you did.

      Oh, one more thing, God bless ya GrumpyUnk, wherever ya are, rest in peace you old motherfucker.
      OK Mayberry, you can have the spotlight back, ya scurvy bastard.

      Bustednuckles, the Ornery Bastard

    2. Not sure how I found you, but you must have impressed me 'cuz you're on my blogroll. That Comcast rant is epic. You deserve the award.

  8. As a noobie to the blogosphere, I feel honoured and flattered to be sent this prestigious accolade and will display it in all it's gutsy glory as soon as I get the new site up and running. Thanking you cordially!

    Now go and post some more shit to make me laugh uncontrollably.


Feel free to comment away with your bad-ass selves.

Cursing and foul language is fine...even encouraged here. In fact, I think cussing is fucking wonderful.

Just remember...this is MY house, and I will not be insulted or maliciously messed with here.

Good-natured ribbing is cool, but if you and I don't have some kind of previous relationship, you had best mind your fucking manners or I will relegate you to the intardnets dustbin for being a cunt.

To know me is to love me.

Or something.