Friday, April 25, 2014

For The Unemployed, Underemployed, Psychotic, Or Just Plain Stupid...

Recently Received Snail Mail: Not Domestic Terrorism Related

Hell yes.

From 2007... 

Lynn St. James offered many motivating words of encouragement to today's youth and girls about racing and life in general.

She talked about how cool it was to drive racers because nobody judges you on your looks since nobody can see your appearance when you are all suited up in safety gear.

Then, things took an ugly turn when Lynn St. James talked about noted NASCAR driver Kurt Busch and how he "got his ears pinned back" by having some plastic surgery to improve his appearance.

I don't think that kind of comment is really necessary, Lynn.

It was mean.

Don't hate.

Friday, April 18, 2014

For That Asshole Harry Reid: Pan Fried Rebellion

Feel free to offer up some other text suggestions in the comments.

I'll see what I can whip together.

Monday, April 14, 2014

LOL! WTF? I Am Sorry...

If one tries really hard, one can almost hear the clip being ejected.


Saturday, April 12, 2014

More For The Patriots In Nevada...

Inspired by and with apologies to the late great Chris LeDoux...

Somehow, I don't think he'd mind, and would be pleased...

Friday, April 11, 2014

For My Pals In Nevada...

Now...I freely admit I stole a buncha these graphic elements from various places on the innerwebs and enhanced them and glued them together and added some text, so I don't need any of you cunty sonsa-bitches telling me I didn't get permission from Marlboro or from some other far-flung unknown asshole.

Fuck them, and fuck you, and fuck the federal scumbags in Nevada.

To everyone is your day going?

Exhausting Intardnets Meme

This is one of the intardnets memes floating around that looks cool and professional.  The "cool and professional" part is your clue to know that I had nothing to do with it.

Check it out.  It is chock full of useful and probably mostly accurate information.

Yes.  It's cute and all, but, personally speaking, I'm sick and fucking tired of the bullshit legalese mumbo jumbo.

It is exhausting.

It's like the constantly changing rules and regulations I must deal with in order to drive a commercial vehicle and make a living.

One (of the many) rule books is the size of the New York City phone directory.

Who the fuck is gonna read all that?
Who the fuck is gonna remember all that?
Who the fuck is gonna understand all that?

Most importantly....who the fuck cares?

Ain't nobody got time for dat.

I'm a big boy.  I am responsible.  I know what I need to do.  I know when I'm sleepy.  I know if my equipment needs repair.

I don't need a government stooge to insert himself into my day to instruct me how to live my life or do my job or to tell me where I'm fucking up. 

This party needs to get started.

I'm getting grouchy.

The only meme you'll ever need...

Saturday, April 5, 2014

LOL! WTF? Then, It's Gonzo!

So I'm bumping around the intardnets this morning, checking out my favorite domesticated terrorist blog-sites as I do every morning over coffee, and this catches my eye.

I think to myself, "Damn!  That looks familiar, but something's different."

I examine it a little closer, and there, amongst the dithering and horrifying pixelation, I see a bastardization of one of my sophomoric and cartoonish graphics.

Holy fuck!  Did this unidentified ass-clown use a crayon to "create" this abomination?

Here is the original, produced by yours truly, two years ago.

Ain't it purty-full?

I'm flattered, a little angry, and amused all at the same time.

I am a riddle wrapped in bacon.

Or something...

Anyhoo...I type up a quick, witty retort and am amazed an hour or so later when it is published.

Now, some of you might be saying, "Zoomie!  Who gives a fuck, and the hell do we know that the image YOU say is yours is really YOUR original intellectual property?  You steal other people's shit all the time and claim it to be cool because it's satire or protected free political speech.  Fuck you, hypocrite!  Hurry up and die already!"

I suppose there is some truth to that.  I will sometimes take elements of pictures or art and use them for my own nefarious purposes.  But, if the shit is in the public domain, or I get permission, it's all good and I try to give credit where and when it is due.

Yes. I am lawyer-like and amazing!

It is also true that I have given blanket approval for patriots across the innerwebs to use my shit for free whenever they want and maybe give me a little credit.  Thing is, it ain't kosher to alter my crap and then make it look even shittier than I made it look originally.

I admit my stuff sometimes contains content and messages of dubious value, but I take pride in producing something that, if nothing else, looks good and is technically pleasing to see on a computer monitor.  No pixelated bullshit if I can avoid it...

I try to not put out stuff that looks like a bag of smashed assholes.

I gots standards.

Your mileage may vary.

Here is some more evidence that what I say is mine really IS mine.

This is the Bowie knife.  There are many like it, but this one is mine.  This stock image I created by putting the knife on my scanner and scanning it at alarmingly high resolution.
(This image was the foundation for one of the apps in the "There's an app for that" post). 

The knife was probably made in some Chinese or Pakistani shit-hole, but it is mine and I keep it in my secret arms bunker with all my other stabby and shooty things.

This next image is a picture I took with MY own camera in MY own back yard using MY telephone pole with MY own Bowie knife stabbed into MY copy of the Declaration of Independence.

See the resemblance?

It is the foundation I used for the creation of some of my agitation propaganda pieces. 

Do you people also see that I had to create the concept?  I had to use my intellectual abilities...slight as they may take that concept I created in my head, and actually do something to build it and make it happen.

Gather up and create the props used in the photo...wait for good afternoon lighting and shadows...compose the picture.  Crop.  Edit.  Enhance.

I know.  Big fucking deal.

Well...several hours later, the offending post with the fucked up version of my intellectual property was deleted with no explanations or excuses or apologies given.  

Don't be a man and fess up to it.  Sweep it under the rug and pretend it didn't happen.

That's OK too.

It's not like I was gonna threaten to sue anybody if the picture wasn't taken down.

I'm not that guy.

But I will be a wise-ass and talk tuff on the intardnets about it, though.

I am definitely THAT guy.


So there!

Suck it, bitches!