Friday, December 5, 2014

A Good Work Spoiled


It had all the makings of a good day.

If you know anything about truck driving, you know a good day is a rarity and is to be savored like a fine bourbon.

I got a decent night's sleep for a change.

Breakfast, a hot shower, a good close shave with a new razor. 

Fresh clean work clothes, thanks to my wife.

My load was ready early.

Hells bells...the sun was even shining.  Hadn't seen that in many days.

Phone, Blue Tooth headset, and iPod fully charged, I stopped on the way into work and fueled my personal vehicle with below $3 a gallon gasoline.

I had fueled my tractor the previous night, so all I had to do was kick the tires, check all the lights and vital fluids, and I'd be on my way.

I kinda smiled to myself and thought, "Gawd damn I'm good.  I really got my shit together.  I deserve a raise and a promotion." 

I was in a good mood.

If you know anything about me you know me being in a good mood is a rarity and is something to be savored.  My day was going well, but it didn't happen by accident.  I am a firm believer in doing all I can to make a good day happen, which requires effort, planning, and forethought.

I find my already loaded trailer staged at a dock door, and back underneath it.  I visually inspect that the kingpin jaw is locked.

The trailer is old, but it is serviceable...thanks in part to my constant bitching and inspections.

The reefer is doing its job.  It's down to temperature and not throwing any error codes, and I know its small diesel engine is full of oil because I took the initiative several months prior to regularly check and record the engine oil levels on the entire fleet of 50+ reefer units because nobody else was.

The reefer fuel tank is full.  Good deal.  One less stop I have to make later...

All clearance lights and signals are functioning on the trailer, so now I'll kick the tires and make sure the air springs are inflating properly.

Tires and air springs are good to go, so now it's time to remove the large rubber wheel chock from under the trailer tire.

As I walk back to do so, I'm looking up at the side of the trailer for any signs of damage to its skin.  No new moron marks.  Cool.

I get back to the rear of the trailer, bend down to remove the chock, and I take one step backwards.

My right foot lands smack-dab center-mass into a big steaming pile of shit.

I know my shit.  

This pile did not come from a loose dog or an overgrown rabid wolverine.

It is human shit.

My day has taken an ugly turn.


What kinda lazy low-life no good rotten cock sucking bastard takes a dump outside in a parking lot between two semi trailers when there is a perfectly good bathroom 50 yards away?

Truck drivers.

That's who.

My embarrassment and disgust for other members of my profession has grown (and been confirmed) exponentially, and my day is ruined.

I am fuming now.

I walk back to my tractor and retrieve a roll of paper towels in order to clean up my boot.

Soon, I've got a pile of shit-covered paper towels on the ground and I'm thinking, "I should leave this mess of shitty paper on the ground, but I won't because I am not a sleazy dirt bag truck driver."

I get a little bit of shit residue on my bare hand during the cleaning process.

I am raging at this point.

It is cold outside, and my nose itches.

I scratch it.

I get shit on my nose.

I am about to kill a motherfucker.

Eventually, I get myself and everything else cleaned and sanitized the best I can, but I have no way of picking up the remnants of the original offending turd.

I report the mess to the proper company authorities so that they may get it cleaned up as it is not prudent to have fecal matter in the vicinity of a food storage warehouse.

The shit's been sitting just where I stepped in it for days.

Fuck it.

Who gives a shit?

Nasty, beast-like truck drivers.

That's who.

I'm ready for a desk job.

That's what I think.

Now...some of you might be saying, "Zoomie!  You stepped in some shit.  Big fucking deal!  Brush it off and move on, asshole.  It ain't the end of the world, and it ain't a very good blog topic either, dickhead.  Post some threatening and insulting material about Obama or cops or something.  We haven't seen hide nor hair from you in two fucking months, and when we do it's a rambling diatribe about dung?  Gawd damn.  Go back into hibernation, retard.  You suck.  Hurry up and die already."

...just not in my work space, please.  Are we human beings, or are we uncivilized feral animals? 

I like to think that having indoor plumbing and sanitation (and common sense and courtesy) are a few of the important things separating and differentiating us from the herd.

Reminds me of the time this last summer when I caught a Hispanic landscaper gentleman pissing on my trailer tire.

Figuring the urine-cat didn't speak English (because I am a racist hate-monger), I quickly tracked down his on-site boss.

Me:  "Hey!  Hey you!  I don't piss where you work.  I'd appreciate it if you didn't piss where I have to work!"

Landscaper boss:  "What?"

Me:  "I just caught one of your guys pissing on my trailer."

Landscaper boss:  "Oh.  I didn't know..."

Yes.  I know you didn't know.

We are becoming a third-world shit hole...literally.

And nobody knows nuthin'...


  1. Glad to see you posting again.
    Sorry that you got sticky boots.

  2. Fucking shitty way to get inspired. I'm glad no one died. Yet.

    Hang in there zoomie :-)

  3. Walt, love your down home, blue collar working man thoughts, keep em coming. I teach school. I put up with a lot of shit every day. Mostly from adults. Let me tell you, truck drivers ain't got nothing on effing school board members and dickless administrators. I teach shop, I teach high school boys, and girls, how to weld, pour concrete, frame a house, but mostly I teach em how to think....I understand them, they understand me, they know I'm trying to make their lives better by teaching them a skill they can use to make a living and not depend on some other cocksucker for their daily bread. They know if they step over the line their ass is out of my program and they can play patsycakes with the whiney welfare special ed kids. But it's getting harder and harder to stay hooked up, anyway if you're ever down in Texas I'll buy you a cup and we'll talk over old times.

    1. Thanks for visiting and your kind words.
      I have sympathy for you. My sister and her husband teach in the public school system here. The stories are horrifying.
      I wouldn't last a day doing your job.
      I'd cut a fool.

  4. Walter, you will hate me for the rest of your life. (I am Irish you know) I was out squirrel hunting one day and I came to a tee on a large trail. I had to take a shit, so being the dick that I am, I did it right in the middle of the trail. Now this is the woods and it is a trail so you should be watching where you are going when you walk . Anyway, I am down the trail a ways under an oak tree when out of nowhere this guy comes walking down the trail with a poodle wearing a life jacket. He comes up to the tee to decide which way he is going to go and he steps right in the shit and stops. He stands there for about a minute until his pooch starts sniffing at it. Not long after, I popped out because I didn't want to scare the shit out of him hiding behind a tree with a rifle.He tells me that he is looking for a lake and inquires as to whether there is water out here. At that point I can't help but look down at his shoe. He lifts his foot up and says "You have any idea what kind of animal that was?" I just shook my head, trying to keep the smirk off of my face and thinking to myself "What kind of animal wipes its ass with a kleenex?" ...I'm sorry Walter, really sorry...Somehow you stepped in my Karma. (BTW, glad to see you back)

    1. Dropping a deuce in the woods is one thing.
      Squeezing out a growler in a heavily traveled parking lot is quite another, my good man.
      It just ain't polite.


  5. Merry Christmas Zoomie.......... ;)

  6. Hey Zoomie..check this one out

    I hope all is well

    1. Ha! Awesome!
      An attentive semi-truck driver should be able to feel such an impact and react accordingly.
      That said..if i wuz a bettin' man, I'd bet the dumb bitch in the minivan had her head up her ass and was following too close, talking on the phone, and stuffing Twinkies in her fat face.

    2. Apparently, it was a fat dude, not a fat chick, driving the van. I stand by my opinion on the matter, however.

  7. I feel for ya, brother. I used to work in a steel mill where, when no toilet paper was available (and sometimes when it was), the animals would wipe their butts with their hands and smear their shit on the stall wall. Four-legged animals I can stand. Two-legged? Not so much.

    1. Jeezus Christ! WTF is wrong with people? I mean...even in the Corps we carried a personal supply of ass-wipe with us out in the field. Hells bells, I managed to retain somewhat civilized toilet procedures for three months in Middle Eastern deserts.

  8. People are worse around here...

    AKRON, Ohio -- The Akron man who set up a camera to find out who had defecated seven different times on his daughter's car got the perfect shot on Tuesday.
    It shows a man with his pants down, squatting over the hood of the car and looking directly at the camera. Akron police say the man has pooped on at least 19 other Kenmore residents' cars since 2012. Several of those residents said that they believed they were being targeted by an unknown tormenter.


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