Walter Zoomie's World: February 2016

Sunday, February 21, 2016

The Sad Saga Of Rocky Raccoon

Ok.

So, some dumbass (me) left the garage door open a few nights ago.

The next morning I find shit and piss all over the place and a raccoon and a cat holed up in my garage.

I persuade the cat to leave, but Rocky will have none of it. He has gorged himself on dry cat chow and is fat and happy and has taken up refuge in my gutted, derelict 1968 Chevelle project car from hell.

Rocky's a big motherfucker, and he doesn't want to leave.

Fuck.

I really don't want to hurt the dumb-ass critter because I am a man of peace like Gandhi or Mandela and all of God's creatures are sacred.

So I call up a work buddy to see if he has a live trap I can borrow. He does, and I go over and get it. The trap looks a little too small, but Rocky hasn't eaten in a couple of days and I figure he's gonna be getting desperate and he just might try to force his fat ass into the trap for some free goodies.

I bait the trap with canned cat food and put it in the trunk of the Chevelle. Rocky's in the passenger compartment, but since there is no interior he can move freely from there to the closed trunk space.

Well, this morning I get up to check the trap, and this is what I see when I go outside.

Somehow, Rocky escaped the car and tried to wedge himself under the garage door and got stuck so tightly that he probably asphyxiated himself. He was cold and stiff and very much graveyard dead.

Fuck.

I tried to do the right thing and be humane, and the ignant motherfucker offed himself.

Stoopid. You shoulda taken the deal. Now look atcha. All dead an' shit...

I am sorry, Rocky.

MISSION STATEMENT

This blog contains stories and graphics about auto racing, war, firearms, history, family, politics, the coming apocalypse, and whatever else might interest me.

Most of it I wrote or created. Some of it I didn't.

I try to approach my topics in a humorous and self-deprecating style, and I use coarse language sometimes.

Most of my thoughts here are tongue-in-cheek and satirical. Some are not. You'll figure it out.

Maybe.

I write and create for ME...to blow off steam, to get a laugh, or to get a point across, and I do it in my own demented way.

If you find my creations routine, dull, predictable, pedantic and pedestrian...I really don't give a fuck.

If it ain't your bag, that's cool. Don't read it or look at it. It's a free country.

For now.

Sorta.

Noah Webster

"Before a standing army can rule, the people must be disarmed; as they are in almost every kingdom in Europe. The supreme power in America cannot enforce unjust laws by the sword; because the whole body of the people are armed, and constitute a force superior to any band of regular troops that can be, on any pretense, raised in the United States. A military force, at the command of Congress, can execute no laws, but such as the people perceive to be just and constitutional; for they will possess the power, and jealousy will instantly inspire the inclination, to resist the execution of a law which appears to them unjust and oppressive."