Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Just What I Need…One More Thing To Piss Me Off !

Most of you who have been paying attention know that I drive a tractor-trailer for a living.

I will not tell you the company…nor will I tell you exactly where I ply my trade…because I know some of you out there are donut-assaulting government spies or snitches and that you would use that information against me because you think I am a domesticated terrorist and then you would help set up an unconstitutional VIPER Team so that I would step off my porch and act warlike and get shot multiple times by jack booted thugs who would giggle maniacally as they did it.

Anyhoo…I received this little note in my paycheck last week regarding a new Federal law, commercial drivers, and the use of cell phones.


I don’t know why this shit bothers me, but it does.

Maybe it’s because I’m old and curmudgeonly and sensitive and I don’t like government assholes telling me what to do.

Maybe it’s because I hate talking on a fucking cell phone any damn way, and I avoid it at all costs.

Maybe it’s because…although I’m just a dumb-ass truck driver who makes more money than I ever dreamed and has earned the respect and admiration of the general public because I am like a chivalrous knight on the highways…I take pride in my work and I take it very seriously and I don’t need another fucking law to tell me what is and is not a good idea to do behind the wheel of a big rig.

I’ve been doing this shit for twenty years. 

I don’t claim to know everything about my job, and I’m always willing to listen and learn new things.

But…why do I need another new law when there are already a multitude of laws regarding distracted driving?

If I were a mordant skeptic, I would almost think that this was Big Brother getting in my ass once again.

Or that maybe Big Brother cut a sweetheart deal with the expansive and evil BlueToof technology lobby.

Or that maybe it was another way for Government to fleece American trucking companies and their drivers through fines.

Or that maybe our Government hates American truck drivers and the American trucking industry, and that this is another way to regulate them into oblivion in order to make it easier for foreign companies and drivers to slide in and take over at slave wage rates.

But, to think like that would be crazy conspiracy theory shit, wouldn’t it?

All I know is that I had to buy a $60 plastic pygmy dick to jam in my ear so that when my boss calls and wants to know where the fuck I am I can be a good little serf and be compliant.

Maybe my company will reimburse me for being required by Federal law to purchase an anodized electronic cockroach to stuff in my head.

Maybe I will simply toss my cell phone and BlueToof device out the fucking window at 65 mph in some Midwestern state at 2 am while reciting blood-stirring Patrick Henry quotes to myself.

Or maybe not…


Fuck Obama.


  1. I got me one too in my envelope. Also Commieszar LaHood just changed our hours of op AGAIN!! see that? But hey, they haven't gone after our CB's yet. (i dont run mine much,to much trash on the eastcoastige)

    Screw em all. I be rollin with gross in the wagon and same thoughts in my head! Heh!!


  2. So this is totally off topic, but normally when I am reading blogs I get a text only version due to my work filter. So this is the first time I've seen your top banner and it is, quite simply, the fuckin teats.

  3. Dear Fellow Domesticated Hoosier Terrorist:

    Thank you for your kind words about my header image.

    However, I can take only partial credit for it.

    As is usually the case, I rarely have an original thought.

    I typically take someone else's idea and then enhance it and make it my own.

    It's the American way.

    My header/banner image was taken from the front page of Paul Revere's revolutionary war-time newspaper called "The Massachusetts Spy."

    I deftly and skillfully PhotoChopped the shit out of it and made the image you see here.

    I hope I have been helpful with my explanation.

  4. It has come to my attention that maybe one or two of my three fans might be thinking that I am some kind of literary genius for coming up with the term "pygmy dick."

    I must give credit where it is due. 30 years ago or more, I heard Ted Nugent coin the term "pygmy dick" when referring to the hearing protection he wears while performing live.

    Again...I've never had an original thought in my life. :(

    Points for remembering and holding on to it until I could use it in a sentence?


    Or not.

  5. and has earned the respect and admiration of the general public because I am like a chivalrous knight on the highways...

    Yeah, I drive big trucks, too.

  6. I see you recognized my scathing sarcasm. I salute you, good sir!

  7. Which I have to ask (being a former gear-jammer myself), WHAT THE FUCK IS THE DIFFERENCE between jaw-jacking on a CB or a smellular phone??!!! None sez I. None at all. Fucking bureaucrats...

  8. FYI, the cost of this work-required gizmo should be tax deductible if your employer doesn't cough up for it.

  9. RC: Yeah...but what a fucking hassle. I'd rather just bitch about it. :D


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Or something.