Sunday, January 15, 2012

Tim Tebow

In case you don’t know, I am a Believer.

…an incredibly flawed Believer, but a Believer nonetheless, and I don’t give two shits who knows.

Some of you might be saying, “But…but…but…Zoomie!  You cuss and say ‘god-dammit’ all the time.  You have pervy thoughts.  You pick your nose.  You shoot innocent fuzzy puppies.  From time to time you drink alarming quantities of alcohol.  You rarely go to church.  You are a hypocrite!”

Guilty as charged.

That said…I think Tim Tebow is pretty cool.

The best thing about him is how the godless heathen liberal progressive communists get their skivvies in a bind about him because he wears his faith on his sleeve.

Every time he thanks his Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for whatever, you can just hear the groans, eye rolls, and under-thingies getting bunched and knotted in an uncomfortable manner.

I love that shit, and I think Tebow does too.

He knows that when he goes full-bore nitrous-injected Jesus on a fool, it’s as if he’s pissing on a Taliban corpse in front of a hi-def camera which beams directly to the 108” big screen TV in the standing-room-only recreation center in downtown Mecca.


He is saying, "Fuck all y'all."

He wouldn't say such things, but I would, so I'll do it for him.

I like to help a brother out when I can.

In a time when the NFL is mostly populated by thugs, shit-heads, and juicers, I find Tebow extremely refreshing.

Yes.  He and his team got their ass kicked by the evil and despicable Patriots last night.   

Shit happens…

But I doubt very much that we’ll be hearing Christ In Cleats complaining about it or placing blame.

One thing bothers me about Tebow, though.

I think he really needs to reconsider playing like a running back.

Forget the college bullshit and the option play.

He’s in the NFL now, and, for the most part, the NFL is legally sanctioned, exquisitely violent physical assault.

He’s a big boy, but he’s gonna get his fucking head torn off if he keeps running the ball himself.

Pass it or hand that fucker off.

I’d like to watch him play for many years to come.

Yours in Christ,



  1. The hate Tebow Phenomena has been pretty fun to watch. I like the kid for all the reasons you said and hope he does well for a long time.

  2. I mean't Ditto, and I thought I wasn't flawed : )

    Damn I hate keyboards.



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