Tuesday, May 14, 2013

My 2013 Indy 500 Jamboree And Hootenanny: Back To The Track, Jack!

OK...so I decided I needed a break from my hellish home remodeling, and I finally got my narrow ass back to the race track.


It felt good.

Really good.

Met up with a couple of my old racin' buddies and had a few cold pops in the glorious Hoosier sunshine at one of my most favoritest places ever.

We talked smack and subversion and aura and looked at hawt chicks and laughed until I damn near puked.

I saw Grover, and I think for a second he considered robbing me of my beer, but then he recognized how haggard and embittered I looked and he probably decided he would have none of it and wisely chose not to mess with me and get gutted like a carp.

I walked through the paddock and took a few photos and got a closer look at the new car design.

It is growing on me.  I'm not sold completely on their looks, but the racing has been pretty good this year so far.

They might wanna consider redesigning the nose though.

That shit might fly on a road course, but it ain't gonna work at Indy.  Better get a Purdue engineer on it ASAP.


I was very surprised how quiet these rigs are at full song compared to the cars of two years ago.  Two fewer cylinders and turbocharging and mufflers will do that to racing engine, I suppose.

Tried my hand at a video with my new IPhone...and wasn't very impressed.

To be fair to Apple, I probably fucked something up or the settings are wrong.

Who's to say?

Certainly not me.
This is something I saw today that makes Al Gore weep rivers of reptilian tears.

This is Ed Carpantier's personal urban assault vehicle.

I bet Ed got a really good deal on it as surplus from Federal Government goons or a formerly overly-militarized major metropolitan police department that realized it could not afford to fuel it at the alarming rate at which it consumes dinosaur bones.

I'm gonna hang out with Ed when the shit hits the fan because he has this for his bug-out vehicle.

I bet Ed would really dig hanging out with me when shit gets froggy because I'm kinda fun to be around in small doses and I can still shoot the asshole out of a flea at a hundred yards and we are both family men and when you really stop and think about it Ed and I are a lot alike in many ways.


Ed and I will be apocalyptic chums.

That's what I think.

Most of you know I like old shit.

Old shit is cool.

This is an old piece of shit I saw in the garage area. 

This old piece of shit is a vintage Schwinn bicycle that has lovingly been given a new lease on life with some new components.

I know it is a real vintage piece of shit because of the front fork.

See...back in the day, Schwinns were built in Chicago...before Chicago turned into a Commie wasteland...and Schwinn used thin, solid-as-fuck American steel forks for most of their bikes.

These vintage American-made bikes had no suspension and nothing to soften the ride and it was so rough-riding that it would make one's spine shoot out one's asshole.  But that's the kinda thing that made America great and tough.


Nowadays, Schwinns are most likely made in the motherland of all Commie wastelands...China...and they use tubular forks or forks that have pneumatic or fluid or some other kind of shock absorber that pussifies our youth and makes them dependent on government for their every need.

Commie bicycles were the ruination of America.

Pretty much.  



  1. sorry to tell ya man.. but that's a counterfeit, you know? fake sum bitch, that bicycle is..

    made in one of those stan countries by those that wrap their heads...

    it's easy to see by the crankhousing..

    so cool beans to ya zoomie, send some more eyecandy..

    and if you see any terrorists messin with stuff, please just shoot'em and save us taxpayers some money on room n board.

    right arm

  2. Awesome shit dude. Please be on the look out for any fucktards engaging in dangerous horseplay this month, maybe.

  3. Oh Zoomie,
    I want that purty truck, I tried to convince the wife we need it to haul our 29ft
    porty pottie around, and to escape zombies and obumiziods. Call my wife and tell her I need one! Maybe you could get a date with her and that would smooth things out?

    The Not-Original Idaho Bob

  4. That explains why I saw Ed at the mini mart going ape crap on the attendent because they didn't have any twinkies, just a few of those pink commie loving snow balls with glitter. The guy tried explaining Twinkies went out of business and that is when the mother of all heck broke looose. A few guys pulled Ed of the 16 year old girl working part time for money for her sick brother dying of the asian flu just in time. He was just screaming YOUR A LIAR, so I paid for my no name brand slurpee and left feeling a bit lucky to be alive and a bit dirtier in my soul.


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