My 2013 Indy 500 Jamboree And Hootenanny: I'm Not Always An Asshole, But...

This Indy racing sled will be piloted by Townsend Bell for 2013's version of the Indy 500 Sweepstakes.

It is wrenched by the crack mechanics at Panther Racing.

It is the best looking car out there right now.

This fact cannot be disputed. 

However, there is something about this rig that concerns me deeply and is a grave injustice.

If you look closely, you will see that there are several promotional mentions of a current work of cinema entitled "Turbo" plastered all over this otherwise proper and prudently-skinned race car.

I had to do a little research about the movie because I had no idea what "Turbo" was all about seeing as movies suck now and Hollywood mostly puts out commie dreck which is expressly designed to destroy our nation.

This movie is no exception, apparently.

My findings indicate that this flick is pretty much a computer-generated cartoon about an ambitious talking garden slug who gets in way over his head one night during a bender, experiments with and over-doses on mind-altering drugs (NOS), and then thinks he can somehow come strolling into the Indianapolis Motor Speedway to win the Indy 500 as if he were Juan Montoya or Jacques Villeneuve.

Now...back in the day I had a couple of buddies who huffed on whipped-cream cans to try to get high or something.

Astonishingly, I never tried it.

I thought it was stupid then, and I think it's stupid now...and I don't think this is the kind of message that needs to be conveyed to the youth of our nation:

"Get blitzed on nitrous oxide and you can do anything and your dreams will come true." 

IndyCar should be ashamed and should reconsider.

"Turbo" is bad cinema.

Get the salt. 

Fuck that slug.