Thursday, May 16, 2013

My 2013 Indy 500 Jamboree And Hootenanny: I'm Not Always An Asshole, But...

This Indy racing sled will be piloted by Townsend Bell for 2013's version of the Indy 500 Sweepstakes.

It is wrenched by the crack mechanics at Panther Racing.

It is the best looking car out there right now.

This fact cannot be disputed. 

However, there is something about this rig that concerns me deeply and is a grave injustice.

If you look closely, you will see that there are several promotional mentions of a current work of cinema entitled "Turbo" plastered all over this otherwise proper and prudently-skinned race car.

I had to do a little research about the movie because I had no idea what "Turbo" was all about seeing as movies suck now and Hollywood mostly puts out commie dreck which is expressly designed to destroy our nation.

This movie is no exception, apparently.

My findings indicate that this flick is pretty much a computer-generated cartoon about an ambitious talking garden slug who gets in way over his head one night during a bender, experiments with and over-doses on mind-altering drugs (NOS), and then thinks he can somehow come strolling into the Indianapolis Motor Speedway to win the Indy 500 as if he were Juan Montoya or Jacques Villeneuve.

Now...back in the day I had a couple of buddies who huffed on whipped-cream cans to try to get high or something.

Astonishingly, I never tried it.

I thought it was stupid then, and I think it's stupid now...and I don't think this is the kind of message that needs to be conveyed to the youth of our nation:

"Get blitzed on nitrous oxide and you can do anything and your dreams will come true." 

IndyCar should be ashamed and should reconsider.

"Turbo" is bad cinema.

Get the salt. 

Fuck that slug.  

1 comment:

  1. Really ?!? A snail enters the venerable Indy 500 !?!

    I'm not sure how the powers that be decided this was a good project to be involved in. Then, they let the release date slip past April and May all the way to July ... ?

    I did watch the trailer. Although there are some good depictions of IMS, I can hardly think this will create many 'new young' race fans though.

    Lazy, aging actors really like these cartoon voice-over projects. They do not have to deal with make-up and costuming. They are literally able to Phone-in each day to work.

    They have no work ethic ...That's what I think.



Feel free to comment away with your bad-ass selves.

Cursing and foul language is fine...even encouraged here. In fact, I think cussing is fucking wonderful.

Just remember...this is MY house, and I will not be insulted or maliciously messed with here.

Good-natured ribbing is cool, but if you and I don't have some kind of previous relationship, you had best mind your fucking manners or I will relegate you to the intardnets dustbin for being a cunt.

To know me is to love me.

Or something.