Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Part 41- My 2008 Magnificent Colossal Indy 500 Photo Blog Thing: A Tour Through The United Kingdom

Seeing as I'm bored, I thought I'd activate my super-secret spy satellite and see what I could see and who was clicking on my intardwebs stupidty.

Tonight, I'll concentrate on my dear friends in the United Kingdom, and I will dissect and describe all of their fair cities which have shown an interest in real Indy racing.

But first, a quick general overview...

Back in olden times, it used to be said that "the sun never sets on the British Empire."

This didn't mean that somehow the Brits were able to stop the sun in its tracks. Hell, if they were able to do that, they would have made it shine on Britain itself a little more and maybe then it wouldn't rain so much there.

Anyhoo...This grand statement could be said because Britain had a kick-ass and huge navy, and they set out to pillage and burn and conquer and civilize the whole world....and they pretty much did too!

Later on, they decided a world-encompassing empire was a little too bulky and difficult and expensive to manage, so they outsourced and downsized to something a little easier to handle.

Then, still later, the USA decided it would like to have a huge conglomerate world encompassing empire. A funny thing happened kinda recently, and the USA has started giving some serious thought to downsizing and outsourcing as well.

The Brits sometimes say the USA copies them and their really cool stuff and ideas, or arrives late to a party, or learns lessons which the UK had already learned a long time ago.

Maybe there's something to all of that. Who's to say for sure? Certainly not me.

Here are some of the UK places which I will tell you about now.

1. Sheffield is an industrial city which has stopped by for a visit! Hello mates! I am glad you are here! Sheffield is also famous for its coal mines. Coal mining is not something I would want to do, because I am a girl when it comes to really dangerous work. I salute brave Sheffield coal miners!

At one time back in the 1930s, the pollution got so bad from the industries in Sheffield that George Orwell said Sheffield was the "ugliest town in the Old World."

That's a mean thing to say. I would never say that. I bet the Sheffieldians would kick the crap outta Georgie if he said that to their faces! Who the hell is Orwell anyways? He wrote Animal Farm and 1984, so you know he was doped up and high on something...

Sheffield has cleaned things up and made it all tidy and stuff now, I bet, so Orwell can go Eff himself!

During WW2, Sheffield made lots of ammo and steel for the war effort, and this made the Germans mad. Consequently, the Germans sent over eleventy billion Junkers and Heinkel bombers and blew the snot outta Sheffield...killing a bunch of innocent and unarmed civilians.

Sheffield got total revenge many years later by having a starring role in the movie The Full Monty.

The Full Monty was great cinema, even though it featured many scenes of suggested full frontal male nudity, because if was chock full of British humour.

Germans don't understand humour, especially British humour, so the Germans probably scratched holes in their box heads trying to figure that movie out.


2. Doncaster is also famous for factories and steel-making and coal mining. Hello Doncaster! I will have many pints with you if and when I ever visit!

Doncaster is also responsible for building steam powered choo-choos like the Flying Scotsman...an ultra-cool beautifully maintained steam locomotive from back in the old days.

Anybody who builds steam engines is OK in my book, because steam engines are just about the most awesome things ever created by human hands. This fact cannot be argued, not even by the most knowledgeable and brilliant of solicitors, so don't even try it with me.

Doncaster is also famous for its involvement with aviation and the Royal Air Force.

The Royal Air Force is cool because they took on the surly Germans in the early days of WW2 and pretty much handed the Jerries their asses.

The RAF had a base at Doncaster and helped defend England during the Battle of Britain. Later, when the Germans pussed out and only sent over unmanned robot V-1 Buzzbombs to terrorize Britain, planes and pilots from Doncaster would use their wingtips to knock the Buzzbombs off course.

That's some pretty ballsy flying if you ask me.

I tip a pint in your honour, Doncaster!

(To be continued)

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