Part 5- My 2011 Indy Blog Mess: Paul Tracy Interview?

Today was a complete washout at IMS, so I thought I'd let you, my valued readers, in on something that may or may not be going on.

There is a real possibility that I could interview Paul Tracy this month at Indy.

Maybe.

The thing is, I'm a little hesitant to do it.

Maybe it's because I'm a pussy.

I don't know.

I don't want my interview with PT to be structured and rigid.

I want it to be mellow and relaxing, just two guys having a beer and cussing and talking racing and other stuff.

I don't want it to resemble work for either of us.

If it is to become a hassle or a pain in the ass, I'm not interested, but it could be a cool thing.

I understand PT's a busy guy with important shit to do.

I'm not in it to make PT look stupid or foolish. 

Hell...I'm willing to look stupid and foolish.  It's part of my schtick.

Anyhoo...here are some PT interview questions I came up with.  

Let me know what you think.

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-I read some of your Champ Car race history, and it seems as if Wally Dallenbach had a hard-on for you back in the old days.  Do you still want to punch him in the face? 

-Do you still want to kick Alex Tagliani’s ass? 

-Does the nickname "The Thrill from West Hill" piss you off?  I think it sounds a little gay personally, but what the hell do I know?  I bet you didn’t pick that nickname anyways…probably a dumb Canadian marketing "genius" did. 

-I’m not stalking you or anything, but I understand you have a couple of kids…Alysha and Conrad.  Are they teenagers yet?  I have three teen kids.  They’re pretty cool and smart, and I love them, but they are a trial sometimes.  Are your kids cool? 

-So...you live in Vegas or Arizona somewhere now?  Do you have a green card…and can I see it?  Are you like an honorary American now?  You speak American pretty good for a Canadian from Canadia.

-Since you’re in America now, you don't have to deal with stupid Canadian gun laws.  Most real Americans love guns and own lots of firearms.  Do you own any firearms, or do firearms frighten you? 

-When you were an unsavory wild youth in Canadia, did you go to Lakeside Park with your buddies and drink lots of Molson’s beer and chase hot Canadian chicks?

-Do you still celebrate Bastille Day even though you live in America now?

-Is July 4^th an annoyance for you? 

-How many times have you seen Rush live in concert?  Triumph?  The Jeff Healey Band?  Bachman Turner Overdrive?  April Wine?  Neil Young?  Pat Travers?

-What did your mom and dad do for a living?  Were they wealthy and did they spoil you rotten?  Or, did they make you get a job to help pay for your hobbies and all the other crap you wanted to do

-What kind of jobs, if any, did you have other than racing when you were a punk kid? 

-Do you have siblings? 

-What was your first street car when you first got your driver’s license? 

-Turning wrenches on your own crap is cool.  I know you have lots of toys now like hotrods and boats and shit.  Do you work on them yourself, or do you pay somebody else to fix your personal shit when it breaks?

-I think NASCAR really REALLY REALLY sucks...don't you? 

-A lot of people, like the seething-with-rage ChampCar fans, give you shit for when you said you would never drive a “crap-wagon.”  I really don’t give a damn because it was a long time ago and a man’s situations can change, and I think it’s OK for a guy to change his mind if he wants.  I figure that racing is what you love to do most, so screw what people say and follow what you love.  Your thoughts? 

-You and me are a lot alike, I think.  You are only six years younger than me.  We both are professional drivers, and we both worked for Penske at some point in our illustrious careers.  I know Penske is kinda supposed to be like the top company to work for, and they have some pretty cool equipment for us to work with…but I still think they kinda sucked when I worked for them. 

Did driving for Penske kinda suck for you too? 

-I’m not going to bother asking you about the 2002 Indy 500 because that horse has been beaten to death and it was a long time ago.  All I know is I was watching the live timing and scoring that day and it originally showed you as the winner.  Even though everything that happened in 2002 must have really sucked for you, you continue to come back to Indy and give it a try.

 Hell…last year I watched as you almost killed yourself trying to get back into the field after withdrawing a good time and one of those asshole KV mechanics fucked up your transmission gearing ratios or something.

Did you ever kick that guy’s ass?

Does your wife ever want to kick your ass after seeing you almost kill yourself on a racetrack?